18 May 2023
My drum teacher called me today and told me that I'm doing a very good job and that if I keep this up, he's gonna push to get me sponsored. It's amazing, it really makes my day. I also ordered the same pedal as him, which is one of the best pedals in the world, because I am absolutely certain it will make me better faster. He says I should get my money back and use the money to buy a better kit, but I told him I like my kit, I just don't like my pedal.
16 May 2023
I had a drumming lesson today; it could have been awesome, but my teacher is very impatient and he stresses me. He offers to give me free lessons, and then he nags during the lesson that I don't pay and that he's busy. I try not to take it personally. I tell myself it's his personality. He's probably just frustrated because I don't fuck him. Speaking of fucking, I'm excited to get my favorite lube in the mail. Right now, I'm using the next best thing but it is not nearly as good, I can feel it.
8 May 2020
I had one of the best dreams I ever had when I was in Saint-Lucia. I was going to see Blink 182 in concert, and I happened to chat with Tom and he whispered in my ear that he wanted to fuck me after the show. I felt his breath on my ear and my cheek and when I woke up, I was drenched in sweat.
20 April 2023
I woke up with a headdache this morning, and it's only getting worse as the day goes by and I get more bullshit on my phone. Some guy who thinks he can get a half hour with anal for $100 and then tries to give me business advice, some guy who accuses me of being a swindler for asking for a deposit, some guy who says I'm lucky to have a bank account... At this point, I straight up have a migraine and I feel nauseous. I don't even feel like playing the drums.
I finally had a client! It's a guy I had not seen since September, I think, he was perfectly nice, I put a lot of energy in the blow job and the riding, and I think I did a good job. It feels really good to make some money, it made me forget my migraine for a moment and made me feel fuckable, which is always nice.
19 April 2023
I've been doing a terrific job at not getting mad when people piss me off. I feel a lot less frustrated and more in control of my emotions, it's nice. People still try me, but I don't give them the satisfaction of getting me mad. I don't know if it's the shitty weather lately, but I have very few appointments and a LOT of people texting shit. It's a good thing I have worked on my feng shui because I bloody need it.
15 April 2023
I asked my neighbor what he thinks of me as a person, and he said that I'm always working, that I'm a bit mysterious because people don't know much about me, and that I always seemed to be on a certain quest but it's not too clear which one. I thought it was interesting.
14 April 2023
Someone texted today and asked if I was available for a "play date". I thought it sounded kind of childish and I decided not to respond because it's not the clientele I want to attract. There are men who pretend they want the regular service, but in the middle of the session they start demanding some kind of fetish, like age play, and argue that it shouldn't be an extra charge. It happened a few times during my first year in the business, but through screening, I learned how to avoid them.
13 April 2023
I'm feeling very nostalgic tonight. It was the end of the year party at uni, but I find it hard to celebrate when the exams are not even over. I would also find it easier if I was in a good financial situation, which I'm really not. I was in dire need of an appointment, but the only person who booked cancelled 5 minutes later because "they thought I was in the west end". I never was in the west end, my website says downtown Ottawa and there's a map on my ad. Why in the world would anybody think I'm in the west end? Is he fucking with me on purpose? I'm getting pretty good at not losing my shit on people, I know it can only harm my business, but it's hard.
12 April 2023
Escorting is very clear : X service for X price. But in "real life", things are a lot less clear and it can be confusing.
11 April 2023
I saw someone I had not seen since 2019! I love when people come back. I thought he stopped coming because my cat was meowing non-stop, but he told me it had nothing to do with that, and his job just does not bring him around anymore. It was a lovely afternoon.
10 April 2023
I client asked me if I remembered when he litterally lost a condom in my butt and I absolutely didn't. He said I freaked out and I texted him a couple days letter when I found it. Wow, I had an interesting life. It vaguely reminds me something, but not really.
6 April 2023
I had such a weird dream; one of my friends was telling me that I was pregnant with his child, which was weird because we never had sex, so I bought a pregnancy test, but I got contaminated by his enthousiasm, so we agreed to start a family together, we announced it on Facebook, but just before I could use the pregnancy test, I got my period and then we were really bummed.
31 March 2023
I had a client I didn't have in a long time today, he took a few hours and I ended up having a one minute orgasm, it was amazing. And it's work!
28 March 2023
I dreamed I was getting a $980 bill at Dr Tosoni's and I was stressing because I barely had the money to pay for it. I was having problems with the machine and she was getting super annoyed with me. I was so glad when I woke up and realized it was a dream.
27 March 2023
I went to university for a metting, and as I was on my way back, a new client booked. I was not wearing make up, the appointment was in 20 minutes and I was at a 20 minutes walk from my place. Still, I kept a positive attitude and I showed up. He was absolutely charming and it was worth it. I try to be more patient and more positive these days, I'm sure it will pay off in money and in peace of mind down the line.
21 March 2023
My sticker was removed from the door of Spaceman! Was it too graphic? I'm a little bummed out.
13 March 2023
I took a drumming lesson at Spaceman, and when I arrived, I saw a sticker collection on the entrance door. I thought it would be nice to stick one of my own, but I was self-conscious about doing it while there were people in the store, so I went back at night and I stuck it. The lesson went well, the teacher showed me the basics about the bass pedal, which I was lacking, and I practiced for like two hours until I got it.
12 March 2023
I did not sleep well, but I ended up being more productive than usual. I practiced the drums, I went to church, I did homeworks...
6 March 2023
It's easy to idealize escorting when I'm at the office, but it's really not all fun and games, I have to put up with a lot as an escort. There is no such thing as a perfect job.
5 March 2023
I stayed at home all weekend last week, ready to work, I posted, and I didn't get a single booking. This weekend, I had plans on Saturday night, and as I was calling the uber to leave, I got multiple people wanting to book almost at the same time. It's always like that; the second I'm out the door, people wanna book. I used to resent people in my personal life for making me miss bookings, or feel tremendous guilt for not only losing money, but for not maintaining my clientele. If I am not there for my clients, they leave. But what am I supposed to do? Not have a life, never leave home and never sleep in case I might have a booking? Plus, it's not like the money serves to pay for cool things, like trips and lip fillers, it goes to Visa, uOttawa, pay the rent... I really don't get to buy anything fun with it. I prioritized money for so long, and it didn't make me rich, so I might as well have a life.
3 March 2023
I just learned that the Cat Café where I volunteered for a year is closing. I am devastated. I had to quit because of my full time job, but when I walked out for the last time, I cried and I felt like I was renouncing to something I loved and that meant something to me. I saw on their Instagram all the ideas they came up with to try and bring in some money, like sponsorships and yoga, and now it's all gone. If we don't encourage local businesses and shelters, they close. Once I volunteered there on Christmas day, and I'm so glad I did.
2 March 2023
I failed an exam. I did all the exercices before reading week, but that was a while ago, and I barely studied before passing the test. It's worth 20% of the semester, but I was very confident since I did so well in exercices, and I am physically exhausted from working full time and going to school full time. I was feeling dizzy at work today, I thought it was covid, but I guess it's sleep deprivation.
28 February 2023
Last night I had a new client, he was a pilot. It was not the first time I was having sex with a pilot, but in my professional life it was, I think. He told me he didn't have sex in over a year. I always feel very flattered when someone chooses me for such an important date. Plus, he tipped me!
25 February 2023
I had such a beautiful dream last night; I was going to a concert without a ticket, there was a terrace overlooking a lake, I sat there to smoke, and the band came outside and started hanging out with me. The waitress took a picture of us, and then I got to hang out one on one with Bret Michaels. I'm glad the everyday stress does not prevent me from having nice dreams. It means I'm still positive inside, I think.
16 February 2023
This working full time and going to school full time routine is starting to take a toll on me. I've been having intrusive depressed thoughts, and I miss clients because I'm either working, sleeping or too tired, which is counterproductive, because I make more money escorting. I feel like my boss hates me, I almost hope he fires me soon.
8 February 2023
I did not stop for a second today. Last night I hung out with people from university, I met kind, positive people, and we really bonded musically. It's nice to see that there are other nice people in Ottawa than my clients, but I had three glasses of wine and two shots; I couldn't sleep all night. Apparently, alcohol stops the REM phase. That didn't stop me from being efficient at work, then after I went to my drum lesson, then I had a client, and then I had to work on a paper for school. At this point, I don't even feel tired anymore, I feel I could keep going. Maybe I should work out. I haven't in like two weeks and it's starting to show.
16 February 2023 This working full time and going to school full time routine is starting to take a toll on me. I've been having intrusive depressed thoughts, and I miss clients because I'm either working, sleeping or too tired, which is counterproductive, because I make more money excorting. I feel like my boss hates me, I almost hope he fires me soon.
28 January 2023
Today I missed an opportunity to get an appointment because I was volunteering. That fuckin sucks, I can't afford to miss appointments right now. On a more positive note, I reconnected with a client I had not seen since 2019, it was very nice, we had a great time.
27 January 2023
I posted today and all I got was people fucking with me and a no show. All of y'all who text and don't book you can suck my dick.
21 January 2023
I told a client about my Elon Musk theory. At first, he said it was impossible, because since he is 45 and it takes a long time to get to Mars, he would die before he could do too much damage, but then he realized: he can clone himself! That was funny. I was feeling super gloomy these last few days, and now I feel so much better. It really feels good to talk to smart people and confront ideas.
20 January 2023
I smoked weed tonight, and since I smoke so little nowadays, it really opened my mind and I did some deep thinking. I realized a few things: my dad is so focused on science and computers and shit that he overlooks, and even despises, everyting human, and I can tell you he has a fuck ton of dirt under his carpet for it. Also, I think it would be therapeutic for me to buy a bottle of champagne, stick my mother's name to it and save it for when she dies. Some people would find it distasteful, but for me, it would be a way to turn all the pain I endured into something funny and ludic. Also the people who don't want immigrants here, they may have the wrong way of wording it, but basically, what they are saying is that we have a huge poverty pool already and with more people, that pool is just going to grow. Also, Elon Musk wants to extract the ressources from Earth, take those to Mars, and sell them to the highest bidder; it is machiavellic and he has to be stopped. People like my dad applaud people like Musk because he is a "visionary", but it's "visionaries" like him, Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler who have the potential to do the most harm.
14 January 2023
Last night, I dreamed that a gym was setting up a swingers' community in their basement. People brought their mattress and their tent, and they lived there for a month, and whomever wanted to have sex with someone would just do so in front of everyone, but all the gym equipment was removed to make room for the tents, so I was advocating for the management to bring back a few work out machines so I could work out and have sex at the same time.
9 January 2023
I saw an ex lover at McDonald's tonight. I was starving coming back from work, so I went to get a McChicken, and I locked eyes with him. He was very handsome, his hair was darker and he seemed more mature. It's never ideal to see an ex lover while your'e stuffing your face and still wearing your earmuffs, but oh well, it's been over for years, it doesn't matter.
4 January 2023
The second I wrote the word "nightmare" last night, I knew I was gonna have one. I dreamt that my neighbor was an ex convict, guilty of murder and cannibalism, and I was trying to reassure myself with my alarm system, but on New Year's Eve, he tried to break into my apartment, and I was pushing the door with one hand and trying to call 911 with the other. What do you think that means?
3 January 2023
Happy New Year! Usually I work on NYE, but this year was super quiet, so I went to my neighbor's party instead. Last night, I dreamed that two sisters from Arizona flew me over to party with them, and I was thinking I should have brought better clothes. My dreams are so cool and mellow these days, I really enjoy sleeping. Last year around Christmas, I was depressed and I was having nightmares.
29 December 2022
My pelvic floor hurts, but it's a good thing, it means I'm digging myself out of the clusterfuck.
28 December 2022
Today was quite busy, I had 3 clients that I knew, and there was also 2 clients I didn't know who wanted to book, but they wouldn't send a deposit so I didn't take them. Of course, the goal is always more money, but honestly, I was sore after the first client. It does feel more busy after I don't post for a while. After Christmas, I was absolutely exhausted, I slept for 13 hours, but I feel much better today.
27 December 2022
I dreamed I was back at Cabaret Kingdom, but with much better looks and a lot more confidence. The interior was renovated, it looked great, and the management was so nice, the gave us free spray tans before our shift. God knows they would never do that in real life.
22 December 2022
I had a weird dream, I was living at home, and I was seeing a client, and I was stressing because I had to fuck him before my parents got home. Also, he gave me flowers for a funeral I was going to, but the flowers came out of two eggs, and one of the eggs was cracked and the white was leaking out. But I did go to the Sex Worker Christmas Dinner, I had two different types of mac&cheese, we got gifts from Lush, and I met this really cool cam girl from Nova Scotia, we went to Bistro à Jojo after and it was quite the party!
20 December 2022
Last night, I dreamed I had a threesome with a Frenchman and a Frenchwoman, it was brief, but very hot. I haven't masturbated in like 10 days, so when it's been that long, I start having erotic dreams. Then, during the day, I saw a guest I hadn't seen in about two years, and he told me he didn't have sex in a year as a personal challenge. I'm very flattered he chose me to do so, he said I'm special. Tomorrow, my cat has a vet appointment, so I'm probably gonna miss a Christmas dinner I really wanted to go to, it's in Montreal and it's especially for sex workers. It sucks but I have to be there for my cat.
18 December 2022
I went to Montreal recently, the weather conditions were awful on the way back, but it was so goddamn worth it. I reunited with friends I had not seen in like a year, I had fun like I didn't have in a long time, I met a bunch of cool people, a lot of people hit on me and I rode in the back of a limousine. And as soon as I came back, I had two guests back to back, which is awesome because one of my cats needs dental surgery. What a fun weekend.
15 December 2022
Last night I clogged the toilet right before an appointment! My guest was at the door and I was literally plunging away, it was so fuckin hilarious.
9 December 2022
I haven't been posting these days because I have the flu. I had to decline two appointments, which absolutely sucks, because as always, I need the money. On the exciting side, I had an interview for a job in my field of studies, and I booked a trip to Saint Lucia this spring.
3 December 2022
Today was one of the days that make me want to get a normal job. It's a risky, thankless business. It's not normal that I need to tell people to shower. It's not normal that I have to tell people to go to the atm. It's not normal that people show up with jock itch. I have to build a safer, kinder life for myself.
2 December 2022
The motherfucker cancelled on me! He said he wants to go out with his brother and he doesn't feel we're compatible. He sure as fuck is right about that. At least a client booked, thank God! I just share my misadventures with you guys to break the cliché that it's easier for women, it's not. It's tough out there for everybody.
1 December 2022
I had an interesting conversation with a client today. He said that I should raise my prices. I have nothing against that. He also said I should move to a condo in Kanata, where the IT companies and the people with money are, and that my apartment is probably slowing down my business. I don't wanna be negative, but I tried the luxury condo thing in Old Montreal and it was an absolute failure. On another topic, I was a bit too harsh about the Tinder guy, he thought I was talking about Saint-Lucie-des-Laurentides. So we are going for coffee tomorrow. I'm really not expecting much, I think it's important to manage my expectations, but I'm keeping an open mind and if I can just have a fun conversation and an iced latte, I guess it's good enough. I also missed a client tonight because I wasn't looking at my phone, I fuckin hate when that happens.
30 November 2022
Since I stopped smoking I have dreams every night. Last night I dreamed I was in Barcelona playing black jack with my friends, it was lovely. I think I dreamed of traveling because the last thing I did before falling asleep was checking flights for the Caribbean. For sure I'm going to Saint Lucia next. I talked about it to a guy on Tinder, and the fucking loser asked what was the point of going to Saint Lucia. I almost accepted his invitation for a drink but after he said that, I just know we are not on the same page. He can suck my dick.
25 November 2022
I haven't smoked in two weeks, I'm extremely proud of myself. I also dreamed that youtuber Michelle Phan had been killed by a fellow youtuber while chasing after a paper horse on the run, and the moral of the story was to trust no one. It's a very pessimistic nightmare.
24 November 2022
Last night, I dreamed my friend from high school owned a McDonald's franchise and that she was making me the manager, and then we had to catch a rabbit in the restaurant and put it back outside. What the fuck was that?
21 November 2022
I had a nightmare again last night. I dreamed I was on a reality show and The Offspring was doing a concert, and that Dexter Holland picked me from the crowd to hang out with. We were on the couch flirting and having a great time, but then he pulled his overalls to the side to reveal his nipple, and a girl from the crowd started walking toward me super creepily, while saying baby stuff like "pick me up" and "hug me" and for some reason I was terrified and I was yelling at her to back up and she just kept walking toward me and staring at me without blinking. I was picking up a stool to hit her with when I woke up.
20 November 2022
My cat was sick again, he had a viral infection and he was refusing to eat. It cost me 570$ of vet on Monday, I definetly wish I took an insurance. At least he's eating now, thank God. I've been working my butt off all week to make rent and pay my credit card, while volunteering and working on my final university project. I got the rent money, but the credit card is still a longshot. I also completely stopped smoking, which is awesome.
12 November 2022
I had such a nice day today, a client I hadn't seen in like 2 years showed up with a breakfast club sandwich (without bacon, because I don't eat pork), and then we had passionate anal sex. I wish he wasn't married, he would come more often. I just hope next time he shows up with mimosas instead, as bread makes me bloated, which is not ideal during sex. Also, I've been doing a good job at stopping smoking, instead of going outside with something to smoke I go with a book or a coffee, I face the emotions I was trying to avoid and now the cravings diminish.
8 November 2022
I feel a bit guilty for missing clients the other day, but it was The Offspring concert. I fuckin love The Offspring, it's my favorite band after the Smashing Pumpkins.
7 November 2022
Sometimes clients are very directive during the session, and it makes me feel constricted. I'm sure there's a way to have good sex without such rigidity. To me, sex should be fluid and free.
3 November 2022
I finally got my t-shirts! I also got a stray cat out of the streets! It's worth it to push sometimes. A client took me out for lunch, we had a great time, it really was a beautiful day.
31 October 2022
I'm fuckin fuming. Usually I don't tell those stories because I don't wanna show how people infuriate me, but today I'm not ashamed not one bit, my anger is totally justified. So I have an exam tomorrow, I really need to study, there was a bit of sunshine outside, so my plan was to go study in the sun, knowing it's gonna rain at 3 pm. I also have a fuckload of shit to do in my non-escort life. Then, this stupid-ass motherfucker with a 438 number texts me. I rarely answer to 438 numbers, because they are usually tacky motherfuckin people. So not to waste my time, I tell him right away that I need a deposit, which he sent. Since he sent a deposit, I take him seriously. So instead of going outside to study, I spend the next hour showering, doing my make up and preparing the room for the appointment. He asked if he could send the rest of the money online, I refused, because etransfers are unreliable, but he twisted my arm saying he was gonna be late if he had to go to the atm so I reluctantly agreed. When the time came, he said he sent the rest of the money, I never received it, he said he was going to the atm and never came back. So I ended up missing the sunshine, losing time and focus that I needed for my exam and my life in general, and spending 80 minutes waiting after a complete fuck bag for 25$. The tacky ass number he had was 438-300-2316, feel free to send him dick pics or whatever. I should have never booked a 438, most of the problematic clients on the escorts black list are 438 numbers, I was tempted by the money and I got burned. Now it's finally time to go study. Piece of shit. You know, it's hard, I try to be a good person an focus on my shit and those bitches are just yapping at me all the fuckin time it's driving me up the walls, man.
29 October 2022
After we were done, a client showed me a spam text he got. It was someone pretending to be from a mexican cartel, saying "send me 10 000 $ or this will happen to you", with the actual picture of a decapited man. He just showed it to me without any trigger warning. I remained unfazed, but I wasn't expecting that.
22 October 2022
Business has been slow these days. I have such little screening, but still potential clients find a way to fail it, so I end up losing bookings. If I want more bookings, I have to be less selective, but escorting is an extremely risky business, so I'm stuck between being broke or being risky, which is hardly a choice.
20 October 2022
I called about my t-shirts, turns out the shop is out of white ink, it's gonna take at least another week before I get them. Oh well, I didn't let that make me bitchy. There's also a very successful male escort in the US who offers phone appointments about business improvement. As soon as I can afford it, I'll schedule something with him. I'd love to know what he thinks of my website. I would also need pointers about how to speak with clients on the phone, because it is one of my weak spots. I just get so impatient from all the same questions all the time, I need some coping mechanisms.
11 October 2022 20
I finally ordered my t-shirts! Right before class I rushed to the merch store and ordered them. I opted for dark grey, and I'm gonna get some black ones later.
7 October 2022
I finally bought my french moisturizer and my french deodorant. I was trying not to, because I'm trying to save money, but my skin was dry and I feel like if it's my job to get touched all over by men, so it's worth the investment. My skin has to feel great. I also wanna invest more in myself in general, stop saying that I need more money to do things and just do it. Things like a trainer, getting my chin done, getting facials every 3 weeks... I have to live that life if I wanna live that life no? And not just with aesthetics, but also things like travelling more and going out more. Stop saying no to myself all the time. I wanna say yes to myself.
29 September 2022
I just had a revelation. I was trying not to smoke all day, and I managed until around 11 pm, I had one cigarette and half a joint, and then I felt physically sick, and I realized: "oh my God, this is why I've been feeling like shit". I'm gonna use this as my motivation tomorrow. If I want to be in good shape physically and mentally, I cannot indulge in smoking, it is making me just plain sick. My physical health has to be my absolute priority.
28 September 2022
I'm gonna talk about something that I really hesitated to talk about because I didn't wanna show how much impact other people have in my life, but I think it's time. So a couple months ago, a client, as he was leaving, told me "as a joke" that he had a knife on him. I blocked his number and I got cameras and an alarm system installed. It costs me 50$ a month on top of all the other shit I already had to pay for. It's not that motherfucker who pays for it, it's me. The alarm company assured me that my cats could not trigger the alarm. Well the other day, I was out of town, and my cats triggered the alarm in the middle of the night and my cat got scared, fell off the fridge and almost fractured his tail and hip bones. He was in agonizing pain for hours before I got home. I had to take him to the vet multiple times that week until he was comfortable which came to about 2000$. So now I'm broke, I don't have enough to pay my credit card or university, I'm gonna have to pay interests over this shit, and my cat can't shit on his own anymore so I have an appointment tomorrow morning for an enema, which will cost around 300$, that I don't have. My point is: WATCH WHAT THE FUCK YOU TELL ME YOU STUPID PIECE OF FUCK BECAUSE IT HAS REAL FUCKIN CONSEQUECES IN MY GODDAMN LIFE WHICH IS ALREADY WAY MORE COMPLICATED THAN I CAN DEAL WITH.
11 September 2022
Today I found a pair of leather pants for 36$ in a thrift shop and they fit perfetly! What a nice day...
10 September 2022 11 September 2022
A guest bought me a ticket for Iron Maiden (300$) but he made a mistake and booked it for Hamilton, so I didn't accept the ticket transfer and I told him to sell it instead. That's what he did, but I should have accepted the ticket, sold it myself and bought the right one with the money. I gotta stop being so goddamn nice, what am I trying to prove?
9 September 2022
I realized the other day that a buttplug is just like a pacifier for your butt. It's vaguely soothing.
18 September 2022
I thought it would be funny if I told you about the time I said no to a threesome with identical twins. Yes, it's true. I was 20 years old and I was working at Cabaret Kingdom. Two identical twins took me for a few dances. They were Russian, short and blond with blue eyes. They were also in the military and both really nice. We had a great time in the vip section, and then they invited me to their hotel. I asked if they were down to have a dp and they were. I also asked if they thought it was weird since they were brothers, they looked at each other and they said no. I said I wanted 600$ to fuck both of them, but they told me they only had 300$. I said 300$ was not enough for a dp and we left it at that, but looking back on it, it's by far my worst sexual regret. I should have done it for the experience and took the money as a bonus. But at 20 years old I was very innocent and I did not sleep around all that much, I was seeing someone and I was very much in love, as one does at that age. If God could give me one sentence back I think it would be me saying no.