April 15, 2020
This quarantine is such a shame, I miss you guys so much. But I use this time constructively, like making content for my Onlyfans. Speaking of which, an old lover approached me and offered to perform in one of my sextapes. Sure! He is pretty good in bed. I'm also making a picture series of all my favorite outfits.
I discovered some new lingerie line; Westward Bound from England. I believe they make only latex. It's gonna be my first time wearing true latex. I own many things in PVC/plastic/vinyl but I never purchased latex. I tried a latex dress years ago at SexeCité in Montreal but I was not in love with it, it had a smoke gray colour that make my nipples look black. I hope the brassiere I ordered is gonna fit, I'll let you guys know. I also think I'm gonna make a video of my favorite types of brassieres. How does that sound?
April 17, 2020
I've been trying a new makeup look these last few days, its smokier, edgier and more colourful than what I do usually. Can't wait to show you guys. For once, I can use my Colourpop glitter gels! I'm also trying to come up with a cool set idea to shoot my black stripper boots. They are fire!
April 20, 2020
I got my third fan on Onlyfans! Damn I'm happy! I got this nice young man who came yesterday, it was his first time ever with a pro. I love it when it's their first time!
April 21, 2020
A loyal customer took two web sessions today! That's a first! I had a 45-seconds orgasm wearing my balaclava, it was awesome. I always get so turned on in front of the camera.
April 23, 2020
Today I was supposed to fly away to Jamaica… And on top of that I missed a client because I woke up too late. So I am feeling like you can imagine. Anyway, thanks for being there guys, it makes me feel better.
April 4 2020
Today, I took a man's anal virginity! My absolute favorite! I did it countless times before but it's always so much fun… I gave him my special anal reverse cow girl; it didn't last long! He was so nice, he paid for the full hour even though he only stayed half. A true gentleman... And he was cute! Young, slim, with traditional tattoos. It was a true pleasure. Other than that, a guy insulted me today on my onlyfans, but I don't care. I don't take it personnaly and it motivates me to make even better material!
May 5 2020
Another anal virginity taken today! I'm on a roll! He said he didn't expect it to be this good. He also said it was the best blow job ever. It's so satisfying to be appreciated for your work.
May 16 2020
I only got one client today but he was HOT! Just my type: military, tall, tanned, muscular, smelled good, talkative, blond, thick dick but not too long... Plus, he paid for one hour and he only stayed like 20 minutes! A true gentleman.
May 19 2020
I fucked a guy with my mask on today! How dope is that? That was a first. I was looking at myself in the mirror and it looked kind of cool with my long hair and my cat ears. At sunset, I took a long walk by the canal and it was beautiful, but I came back home a bit earlier than I wanted because of an appointment that ended up being a no show. Bummer :(
May 27 2020
Today I had sex on the dinner table… My favorite… Plus, I was wearing my new bright green garter belt. So hot!
May 28 2020
Today, a client sounded extremely depressed. I hate when people I know are distressed, especially my clients. I believe sex services are an essential need and if they were reimbursed by health insurance, we would spend less money healing people from depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, anxiety… It makes me think about how many people can't afford my services. People have a lot to say about the clients but they don't realize it is literally everybody.
May 31 2020
Someone left me a 20$ tip on my Onlyfans for a specific video. So cool! I'm glad people appreciate what I do.
1 June 2020
I got to try something new today! For a few days, I've been having this fantasy that I will call "pussy spanking". I just checked on Urban Dictionary and apparently it's a thing. When you feel that a client is not into it that much, you kinda have to pull rabbits out of your hat, so I proposed we try the blindfold and my whip (which is made not to hurt). He was extremely natural at it, caressing my body with the popper and then smacking it on me (which did not hurt at all). Then I gave him the instruction to spank my pussy with a small sex paddle that I own. The feeling of blood rushing down there felt soooo good, and then he proceeded to make me come with the perfect balance of fingering and spanking with his hand. I came for like one and a half minute. I'm still getting wet just thinking about it. I love my job!
10 June 2020
Today, a client told me some very personal details about his life and it was a privilege to listen to him and have him trust me. I've always been a great listener and I believe we learn from each other every day. Time to create some content for Onlyfans. Any ideas?
11 June 2020
Today, a client took one hour and I am proud to say that I bounced on that dick for the whole hour! I didn't think I had it in me, but I did!
12 June 2020
Yesterday, I got only one client but I was texted by 30 different numbers. They ask endless questions which answers are all already on my ad and then they don't book or worse, they pretend to book and a lot of them pretend to be serious clients to get my address. It's very hard for me to give all my love, energy and affection to some guys if there are tens of people trying to steal my time, energy and patience all the time. I suggested to Leolist to start charging the guys to access our numbers because I pay 5$ each time I bump my ad, which sums up to 1300$ a year, and over 90% of the traffic I get is bullshit and then there are tens of creeps out there who can access my approximate location, number and photos. Does that sound fair to you? If I have to pay to advertise, I think the guys should pay to have my number. What do y'all think?
15 June 2020
I got to put a leash on a guy today! So much fun! It was the first time I used that choker.
17 June 2020
Today, a client told me I was his birthday gift! So sweet! On another note, I had a PB&J bagel for the first time of my life and it was love at first bite.
18 June 2020
Not one single client today. Boohoo! At least it's sunny. I got my handmade latex bra from Plymouth, England in the mail though, I love it. It photographs well. It was only available in purple on ebay, but I emailed them to ask for it in pink. I had three different pinks to choose from, and I went for "vibrant pink". The colour is gorgeous and the feeling of latex on my skin is exciting.
24 June 2020
Today, a client kindly came to my place to reinforce my kitchen table. The last few times I had sex on it, I heard this threatening crack as it was starting to split in the middle. I took measurments and we nailed a wood plank under it. Thank god I have you guys!
Although I'm not sure I offered my best performance today. He wanted to take me from behind, but he's pretty big and it hurt me and he lasted a long time. Then, he wanted to lift me up, but the lube was making my hands very slippery and it was hard to hold on to his neck. And then, he complained about the temperature. I think I need to buy an AC... The reason why I don't buy one is because I like it hot, and the summer only lasts for one second. Plus, it seems like a bitch to install and in Montreal, burglars use the AC opening in the window to break entry. I can only take it in and keep moving forward.
26 June 2020
Today a client told me I was the first girl he ever kissed! That's so adorable!
15 July 2020
Today the coolest thing happened! I got a new client and he told me he came because he follows my Onlyfans. So cool!
23 July 2020
Today I watched the australian show Love on the Spectrum. It must be the best show I ever watched. Actually, when I first watched the show Too Hot to Handle, I immediatly thought: "They should make that show with disabbled people!" I don't know about you, but I never liked the shows with football players and models. Not to hate on them, but they are just not relatable to me. It is about time we start giving visibility to issues we don't wanna see as a society because it is "complex" or "not glamorous". If we had aired shows like Love on the Spectrum in the 90's, I'm certain we would be less stupid collectively.
24 July 2020
Since Leolist is not advertising my services the way I would like, I am searching for alternatives. Wix offers SEO services that boost your presence online. I was just on the phone with them, it costs 150$ USD to open an account, and then 150$ USD a month for a year. And you have no choice to subscribe for a year. I don't think I can afford that. I also checked for advertisment on TERB, an Independent Supporting Member Account with Banner is 237.30$ for one month, 452$ for two months and 1610.25$ for 6 months. I just don't know in terms of income if it will make a difference.
30 July 2020
The client who makes me come the most told me he won't be coming anymore because he is getting married. Is it normal that I'm sad?
2 August 2020
I've been neglecting my Onlyfans lately. I feel lame but 200$ a month to make porn everyday... Plus, I also volunteer for a dog shelter so that takes a bit of my time. But I thought of a story I'm sure you guys would be curious to read : the night I became a stripper. A few years ago, pole dancing was extremly trendy and I was fascinated by it. I was also already a lingerie collector and I guess I wanted people to see my outfits instead of just a handfull of guys. So the world of stripping was calling me. It was mysterious, taboo, but also very real about it. My first visit at the strip club left me very impressed, and I asked the stripper what it takes to become one and very kindly she told me that I just needed some shoes, a very small purse and three or four outfits. She was much more beautiful than me, but she really answered like it was totally possible. After nine months of cogitating, I bought two pairs of stripper shoes and I went at the Cabaret Kingdom in Montreal a ordered some wine. I was sitting by myself and soon enoough a stripper came and talked to me. She asked me what I was up to and I said I would like to dance at the club one day. She said very enthusiastically that I could dance the very same night. I replied I didn't have any outfits, and she answered "I'll lend you some!" She took me to the girl's locker room (it is less glamorous than the rest of the club, I can tell you that much) and lended me a small lace dress. She then brought me to the manager and asked if I could work the night. He took a look at me and said yes. I asked if I had to audition and he said yes. He then took me to the DJ and asked him to watch me audition in the VIP (I latter learned that it was the only time ever that a girl auditioned at that club). So I did and he gave me a few pointers like being more erotic and less sexual. The stripper also coached me greatly, saying that it was like making love and to go slower to let the guys take mental images of you. A little later, I did my first stage performance. I had a little experience with pole dancing from regular clubs and the metro(!) My first song was Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf. I don't think it was a great performance, and the DJ told me not to sing my song (I don't remember signing it) but I don't think it was awful. My first lap dance was with an old creepy dude but he gave me a bit of tip. Overall I think I made 50$ and I had to give 20$ to the club, so it was not a great night financially but it was a great learning experience. I was nineteen and I can say I really became an adult in that club. I ended up working there for three years and I met people I'm still friends with today. I just didn't wanna be a boring girl from the suburbs anymore. I wanted to perform and express my femininity to the extreme.
6 August 2020
Today was super fun, I got to create some content for my Onlyfans. Shit got hot! I got to wear my leash, my cat ears and then I had an orgasm for the camera. It was a great day. Although there is one client who couldn't come and he said he regretted not being 20 again. I hate when people leave my place dissatisfied. Plus, he left early. I wonder if I could have handled it better. I also had an in-house vet visit; my cat has arthritis, which explains his loss of weight and appetite. It cost me 800$ and I'm facing another 734$. I'll never be able to afford having kids, my pets are too expensive.
7 August 2020
Today I met two new clients. The first one was younger from BC, his style of fucking was very inspired by porn, a lot of anal and finger play. I had an orgasm because I'm a fan of everything not boring. It would have been great for my Onlyfans but I was too shy to ask. He told me his two worst hooker stories which were the absolute worst I ever heard. It was a pleasant encounter. Then I had the visit of an older gentleman, much calmer in the sheets, the time went by a bit slower but he was still very nice and he managed to come twice! He said he will be back to try anal. A guy told me the other day that his first time doing anal was with me and I did my anal reverse cowgirl. I told him he is lucky, not everybody gets to try reverse anal cowgirl for their first time. I miss my client who brought me my favorite cannolis every two weeks. I havn't seen him since the pandemic, but at least I know he's still alive.
8 August 2020
I met a new client from Europe. He was very polite on the phone and he took two hours. At first I wasn't sure we were on the same page sexually, as it was a little slow to my taste, but after a quick bathroom break, I just sat on him and let him take the lead and it ended up being great. He used different toys on me and we came at the same time. The tricky thing about escorting is that people don't tell you what they want and you have to feel it. I find today he preferred me to put on less of a show and be more passive. At the conversation I ended up mentioning I went to private school and he straight up asked me what wrong turn I took in life to become a hooker. It was the first time a guy told me that but honestly, I really don't mind. It felt more like genuine curiosity than contempt. I have to say it bothered me more when I was working at the beauty salon and clients would ask me regularly if I was making more than minimum wage. Still, it got me wondering how many clients think that.
11 August 2020
I got a new tattoo today. It's a shame I missed a client because of that but it's a long project and I really want to get it done. I had three hours booked but I could only sit for fifty minutes. Even after it hurt like hell, I had to take tylenol to be able to think of something else. I'm not proud of myself and it is not progressing as fast as I want. I wasn't able to get another appointment before three weeks. Anyway, later during the night, a faithful client came over and we did something a little different. I wore my cat ears with a leash and some stockings. It felt really hot. Dominance suits him well. I think it was the first time he was making me come.
12 August 2020
The porn guy came back. We made some content for my Onlyfans. He really seems to enjoy fingering, and he doesn't stop until I come. It seems important to him. He must leave a trail of satisfied girls behind. The faithful client also came back. I like that he wears gloves when he fingers my butt. He's really into pussy spanking and giving me orders. What a nice day!
17 August 2020
Last night I partied with my friends in Montreal, it was so much fun, I put my head out of the sunroof and we ended up putting a bunch of pillows and blankets on the roof top and sleeping there. I love working, but it feels nice to have some personal time. Summer will be over soon and I always think you have to make the most of it. Tonight I had three clients and I missed one. I hate missing clients. I had a new one and another that I hadn't seen in a year. He said he read my blog. I love it when people tell me they like it.
18 August 2020
Today I had two new clients : one who had never been with an escort before, and one who never did anal before. I always love it when it's their first time. Now, the weather is very bad, I think it's gonna be super quiet for the rest of the day. Oh well, time to work out and do some volunteer work for the dog shelter! I also ordered my favorite cannolis.
19 August 2020
My tattoo feels so scabby today, it's the worst healing I had so far and I honestly think I might have chosen the wrong tattooer. I'm not crazy about the new colours. I'm also not crazy about my belly button reshaping. I'm like 50% satisfied.
20 August 2020
I thought you guys would like it if I told you the first time I escorted. So I was working at this strip club with my friend and we danced together for this british guy. He was a suit and tie kind of guy and he was very nice. He asked us how much it would be to go at his hotel. I asked my friend if she would accept to do it and she said "hell yeah!" The fact that she was feeling ok about doing it made me feel more comfortable about it as well. May I specify that we were not making that much money at the strip club at that point, it was not long after the 2008 crisis. We told him we charged 600$ and 500$. He said he couldn't afford to take us both, but my friend wanted to go to her boyfriend's so she said "you do it". So at 3 a.m. after my shift, we took a cab and went to hotel Reine Elizabeth, buying condoms on our way. There were two bathrooms in his room, so we showered separately after he gave me the money. I counted the money there and there was 500$. Then we started making out but he couldn't get hard because he was too tipsy and tired. He ended up going down on me and I came. Shortly after, I left. I had been there an hour at most. I took a cab and went home. I feel very neutral about it, I think he was a very nice guy and I'm glad he didn't try to get his money back.
22 August 2020
I'm starting to regret my belly button reshaping. I think it had a nice oval shape when it was just done, but I got excessive scar tissue and it changes the shape of it. Doctor Van Wyck would do it for 1500$ in Ottawa, Dr Luc would do it for 3000$ in Laval, and Dr Dupéré in Toronto would do it for 5000$. I opted for Dr Luc. I don't know how it would have healed if Dr Dupéré had performed the surgery, but I'm positive he has more experience. His receptionist told me they do belly buttons all the time. I asked Dr Dupéré's team if he could perform a revision and remove the excessive scarring, but they said he can't because he doesn't know the technique that was used. Les dés sont jetés. I asked Dr Luc's team if he could remove the excessive scar tissue, I havn't had a response yet, but even if I get a positive response, I don't think I would do it, because I don't know if it would heal better then it did. I'm just curious of the response, or the lack of.
25 August 2020
So far, no response from Dr Luc's team. I was expecting that. Maybe he's pissed because I gave him a medium review, but I think I could have left a much worse one. You're welcome for the 2700$, asshole.
On a lighter note, here's a funny story I thought you guys might like: when I first started escorting, a client asked me a proof that I was a student. He wanted to see my schedule, obviously I said no because there is confidential information on there, but I ended up pointing to him the massive pile of books on my work table. I don't think he came back. I'm not mad at that.
31 August 2020
Last night, I went with two girlfriends at the strip club where I used to work a while ago. It was a bit quiet, and the strippers were wearing masks around the club (but not on stage), but it was fun to take a trip down memory lane, and, the very hot stripper gave her number to my friend. I hope I'll see her around, she's a circus artist from Nova Scotia and she has a trapeze in her living room. That's what I love so much about Montreal : it's unpredictable. Today, I encouraged the foundation Lily's Ray of Hope by purchasing a coffee tin featuring Lily Rose Lee's artwork. I always wanted one of her paintings but I was unable to find one online. Lily is a survivor of the Cleveland kidnappings and she now supports women and girls having experienced abuse. I was also seduced on Etsy by an inkjet print of Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman that particularly spoke to me. I find Catwoman to be a perfect mixture of crazy cat lady and lady of the night, which is exactly what I am!
1 September 2020
Today, I thought I would tell you one of my unpleasant client stories. A few months back, this client I never met booked an appointment. She showed up 35 minutes late, did not apologize and made no mention of the fact that he was late. I didn't say anything because I needed the money. He payed for one hour. Then, he asked me if I had any toys. I said yes and took a toy out, he then proceeded to take every single one of my toys out and used every single one of them. He used so much lube that it was everywhere on the bed and the floor. Without asking, he put my 100$ vibrator on his testicules. He asked me if I could put a dildo in his ass, I said how much extra it is, then he protested saying he was gonna put it himself. I had to explain to him that he has to pay because I have to buy the condoms, buy the dildo, clean it, clean the sheets after and then clean myself. I was putting very gentle pressure on the dildo in his ass, but he told me to move it faster. I did so, and then he shouted WOOOOOO! Gentle is better in the ass indeed. He didn't get hard the whole session and I had to blow his soft dick for a very long time. When his time was over, he asked if he could stay longer without offering to pay more. Anyway, it was a VERY, VERY, VERY long hour but thank god, he never came back.
4 September 2020
I have a confession to make : I suffer from vaginal dryness. I was fine, but then I took effexor for 2 years and a half and my pussy became dry like the Sahara. I wouldn't recommend antidepressants. What helped me was quitting my bullshit paycheck and getting on my business. Anyway, that's what lead me to suffer from vaginal dryness, it's not as bad as it was when I was on the medication but it never came back to how it was. I used to be able to have sex without lube, now, forget it. I went to clinic Peause in Quebec to meet with a doctor who told me there is a laser treatment to improve that : Renovalase. It's a laser in a glass tube that is inserted in the vagina and produces heat, which stimulates collagen production and apparently it tightens the vagina and helps with vaginal lubrication. I am extremely interested but it's no walk in the park. It's 3 treatments 3 weeks apart, and after a treatment there is no sex, no exercise for a week and no tampons for one month. It's 800$ a treatment but it's tax deductible. I think I'm gonna get it. Not working for 3 weeks will be a financial hit but it'll allow me to focus 100% on school. I feel like if something can help me get my lubrication back I have to try it.
6 September 2020
The other day, a client made me come for 2 minutes straight. It's a personal record and it felt soooo good. It felt like riding a wave. It was the perfect balance of clitoral, dildo and pussy spanking stimulation. I don't know why, but it's easier to let myself go with clients and achieve orgasm.
7 September 2020
On Saturday night, I missed a nice client, but I was trying to get a stray kitten in the building. It took 2 hours but I finally gained her trust and the neighbor decided to keep her. She now has a home and I can visit her everyday! I'm in love!
9 September 2020
Ive been spending... I have to admit I always had a little shopping compulsion and sometimes I get phases when I just don't restrain myself. What have I been spending on? 248$ at Fashionnova, 114$ at the pet store, 420$ at the beauty salon, 160$ at the tattoo shop, 600$ at Cole Haan, 225$ on art, 950$ of weed... I hope writing it down will serve as therapy and help me slow down. Speaking of therapists, I think I'm gonna find an online therapist and start having weekly sessions to say my thoughts out loud and have a neutral person to give me feedback and ground me. In my head, I just debate endlessly with myself and there is no end to it. University starts again this afternoon, I'm excited. I have a gender studies class with 30 hours of mandatory volunteer work, which I love. I heard a sentence that really resonated within me lately in the film Jesus de Montreal : when you focus solely on yourself, life is unbearebly complex. But when you wonder what you can do for others, life becomes extremely simple.
I am soooo horny and I don't have any client :(
I ended up having a client! I appreciate him even more! You guys are the best.
10 September 2020
Today I was watching a youtube video about this poor girl Gypsye Rose Blanchard and the host was talking about the mundchauser by proxy syndrome. It made me think of my mother. I have a very complicated relationship with her and I wonder : could she suffer from a lesser version of that syndrome? She definitely made me feel like a worse kid than I was, she was always pointing me out as the main problem she had to manage. There was just always something wrong and this constant idea that I had to change and become better. I never thought she could do it on purpose because it made both our lives so much more difficult. But hearing the motivation of the person with mundchauser by proxy syndrome gave me a bit of an answer : it makes the mom look like a savior. Could my mom make me look like a problem child and send me to therapy so she could make herself look better?
15 September 2020
I've been juggling school, volunteering, social and work and it is a challenge. But I like it. I don't really have much to say about myself today other than I got a facial and it felt real nice, but I should have told her that I don't like peelings. On a funnier note, here's a funny story that happened in a massage parlour in Montreal: this client chose me but when I got in the room, he started telling me that he didn't wanna use a condom, that he never used a condom in his life, that he wants to slap me, choke me... So I leave the room and I go tell the other girls. He also lit a cigarette in the room. The girls went to talk to him and he said the same thing to everybody. Since no girl would sleep with him, he demanded that the manager reimburse him for the room and he would not let go. They argued for ten minutes without any type of understanding when a girl that had been sleeping the whole time woke up and started yelling at him. She was massive, with a very messy bun and false lashes down her face and she was screaming very angrily. He completly lost his composure, he tried to convince her that he was just ordering some food, and she screamed at him that it was not a restaurant, it was a massage parlour. He looked around, no one was saying anything, a girl held the door open and then he left. We were so relieved, we started laughing hystericaly.
19 September 2020
Today I put a picture of a guy who stole 100$ from me like a year ago on Twitter, with his name. If you're reading this, bitch: send me my 100$ and I'll take your picture off. If you're not fair with me, why the fuck would I be fair to you? Fuck you Zack O'Gorman, and your small ass dick.
20 September 2020
My narcissistic ex guy that I was seeing texted on Saturday night, he says to tell him when I'm in Montreal so we can fuck. He would be a great asset for my Onlyfans, not that I make a lot of money with it, but I wish he would actually schedule a date. I don't wanna have to do my makeup, drive for 2 hours, carry sex toys, lube, condoms, and outfits just in case he's available. Which he never is. Plus, on five dates, he never made me come. It's kinda why I stopped seeing him. But there was also a bit of this pattern, like he would never miss work for me, he would never drive out of town for me, but he would expect me to. I'm glad it's over but life doesnt seem to be treating him too bad. He hangs out with the most famous porn star in Montreal ad he dates two girls at least. Plus, he gets approached on instagram for colabs. Why am I not hanging out with porn stars? Why am I not being approached for colabs? Well, that I know, my instagram is shitty (it's because I'm afraid of people recognizing me). I don't know, man I really need a vacation. I had to go through my phone to find out when was the last time I fucked a guy in my personal life, and it was August 4. I remember, the sex was 4/10. Actually, make that a 3/10. Thank god I have clients to fuck me good. Here's a good nickname for the ex guy I was seeing: Mr Disappointment.
23 September 2020
Today was soooo sunny and beautiful, it was gorgeous. I took a long walk outside and I topped it off with a lobster rool at Whale's Bone. The roll was great, but the cesar salad was soggy when I got home, they should but the vinaigrette on the side. Other than that, this morning I was awaken by an order from Fashionnova, like 250$ of clothes. I love most of the items, I'm gonna look killer in those. Some of them need alterations, but I like it, because it makes them different. I had to cancel a pap smear because I got my period, but that's just what happens when you're a woman. A new client fucked me real good in the ass today. It's been really quiet lately, so I appreciate the clients even more.
24 September 2020
I thought I'd tell you a funny anecdote with a client. Once, I had been riding this young guy for a minute, and my legs were getting sore. I asked him sensually if he wanted to switch positions, and he declined. After a few seconds I told him that my legs were getting tired. He answered: "It's because I paid and I was expecting not to have to work!" I laughed and told him that I had heard a lot of things, but it was the first time I was hearing that.
25 September 2020
Funny story of the day : there is a 15 cm trace of shit on my couch because my cat had a piece of cotton stuck in his ass. I had to remove it manually. He has a bad habbit of eating anything that looks like a ribbon.
29 Septermber 2020
Last night, I had sex in my personal life and it was awful. I wasn't home and I didn't have my expensive lube with me, so I tried using this cheap one and it didn't work at all. I had to ask him to stop because I was too dry and it hurt. With covid, prices in old Montreal are way down, and there are gorgeous places for rent with pools and stuff. I'm definetly checking that out.
3 October 2020
Today was weird. On my phone, as soon as I woke up, I had a text from I client I already met who was wanting an appointment. I thought it started the day well. But soon enough, the guy asks me twice if I provide a certain service which I answered twice, and then he asked me twice if I would lower my rates. That's when I told him my new policy, which is screenshoting the shit people send me and putting it on Twitter. That's when he said he could come over and fuck me for free. I would be very curious to know what you guys think it means. Feel free to text and tell me your guess. I ended up calling the police and an officer came over and took his phone number. This whole situation is sad I mean, can't he just pay my damn price and call it a day? I haven't heard back from the police, I jump at every noise. That reminds me, the officer didn't give me a case number.
11 October 2020
Sorry, it's been a while. I have to say life is a bit monotonous right now, I'm just working on my computer all the time, I don't go out and I don't have that many clients. My cat got injured while attacking my other cat, I had to take him to the vet at midnight and pick him up at 5 am, that was interesting.
13 October 2020
Today, I shot some hoooot content with a client for my Onlyfans. It's a zoom of me taking a huge cock in my ass. It is dope! It's the stuff people always wanted to see, but it takes the perfect moment, with the perfect penis and the perfect angle and it only happens once in a while. Anyway it was a great Thanksgiving. Now work out time!
15 Octobre 2020
Today I took a man's virginity. I never take that for granted. I think it's a good idea to go to a pro for the first time. I know my first time was shitty because the guy had no experience.
17 October 2020
I've been stuck on this university paper for more than a week now. I'm just having major anxiety about it. Spending the days inside in front of the computer all the time is starting to drive me crazy. At least I'm going to Montreal soon, it's gonna do me good to take a day off.
22 October 2020
I finally started telling clients that I'm moving. I'm gonna miss them. But I can't stay in a basement in Ottawa for the rest of my life. I've also been neglecting my Onlyfans, but I honestly don't have new content. Last night I asked a client if I could film the intercourse and he was not comfortable with that, which I get 100%. He's such a great guy, I'm gonna miss our nights of wine, sex and blazing.
27 October 2020
Lately it's been soooo slow. It's busy on the weekends and the rest is dead. I wonder if telling clients I was leaving hurt my business. My cat just got prescribed prozac today, I hope it stops the fighting. I'm also waiting for the results of the biopsy for the lump on his side.
28 October 2020
I haven't had a client in 3 days. I just spent 766$ at the vet, I need money. I wonder if people are under the weather like me, or if I wake up too late, or if I have been in this town for too long and people are tired of me. Fall and Winter are always slower but I don't know, it sucks. I wonder if it was a mistake to tell people I'm moving.
I just had the confirmation that my best client doesnt come anymore because he's sad I'm leaving and it made him realize that he wants real affection in his life without the financial aspect of it. So it WAS a mistake to tell, I'm such a fuckin dumb bitch christ fucking sake I'm mad at myself for letting a man convince me I should tell. Don't ever let a man give you advice about a woman's business.
1 November 2020
This is the last time I sleep in this room. I'm feeling emotions I haven't felt in a long time. I feel nostalgic of all the clients I met here, and the orgasms I had. I don't want to give the impression that I'm happy to leave you guys, everytime I missed a client no matter what I was doing, it always pissed me off and I always wished I could double myself and be everywhere at once. There are like 10 lives I want to live. My clients brought me more than the guys I dated. I don't want to give the impression that I abandon people. Some of my clients are emotionaly lonely and I know that because I'm lonely myself. It's lonely living a double life. I'm afraid I'm doing a mistake, I'm afraid of not doing well financialy. This weekend was sooo slow, I think I shot myself in the foot. It was always such a priority for me to maintain my clientele. I really tried to never take it for granted. It is my butter and my bread and honestly, my life used to be quite boring without it. But if any of y'all are ready to do the trip, I'm gonna have a sweet incall with a hot tub and I'll finally be able to give my clients the experience they deserve.
7 November 2020
I am now installed in my condo in the old port. It's beautiful and much more luxurious than my old place. I ordered some plants to put on the walls, I can't wait to get them. From my balcony, I can see le Quai de l'horloge and from the gym we can see the Olympic stadium, the Bonsecours market and the Terrasses Bonsecours. The only problem is that COVID is much more spread here and the market is very slow. I also reincorced my screening process, which makes me less accessible, but I feel like I have no choice, criminality is more rampant in Montreal. Just yesterday afternoon, a convenience store owner was stabbed to death. It was the 22nd homicide this year in the area. I thought I would have the new girl luck, but it was not the case. I tell myself that it will take some time to rebuild a little pool of regulars, but I miss my old regulars! I feel like I should try to wake up earlier to catch the 9am guys. Worst case scenario, I can always try to find a job in my field of studies. Anyway, I'm gonna go for a walk, it's beautiful out.
10 November 2020
It is challenging here in Montreal, the only way I can get a client is if I wake up real early, which I hate. The only texts I get are from shady people who want to low ball or no condom. I had taken the resolution never to talk back at anyone in this town and I can honestly say, I failed. At this rate, I won't be able to attend school next semester, or get tattoed in 3 weeks. I'll try to come to Ottawa, but I have to stay at a hotel now, and the hotels in Ottawa are overpriced and not exactly open minded. Since I lost all my clients, I don't have content for my Onlyfans neither, so I already lost 4 fans this week. I think that's what you call a clusterfuck.
I'm trying to book a hotel to come to Ottawa but none of them are worker friendly, the piece of shit manager from Hollyday Inn Parliament Hill told me he personaly doesnt let anybody in who's not a guest. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna do this. I have one client who told me the Sandman near the airport is ok but who is gonna come see me in the country? And it's a long way and a lot of money to take such a chance. Sorry to annoy you guys so much with money, but money to me is security, and when I don't have it, my generalized anxiety disorder comes out.
11 November 2020
I finally made some money today! I got one new client in the morning, and one client from Ottawa who came and saw my new place. It was dope! I feel a lot more calm and trusting in the future. But, I completely forgot to attend my class on Zoom... Oops... At least I can watch the recording later.
16 Novembre 2020
I feel a little lame today, it's been such a long time since I saw something that truely amazed me. I need to save some money, put my cats somewhere and spend a few weeks in the Bahamas. I wanna rent a yacht and become a yacht girl. I really need some sunlight.
19 November 2020
I miss my Ottawa clients soooooooo damn much. It is ghost town here, the business is beyond bad. I am bored senseless. But my bachelor's degree is almost done, maybe this was the push I needed to find the motivation to search for a job in my field. That would make me elligible to date regular guys, and maybe that would be a good thing. I'm done with the hot broke studs.
23 November 2020
I just had the most fucked up dream, I have to tell you guys. I dreamed I was in Florida with my friend John, and we tried to have sex inside of a bar to film content for my Onlyfans, but people were making us know that they could see us, so we left to go to my room. Then, I had to go to class, but the class was inside of a strip club, and before the class started, we all had to dance on stage, so that the cassmates knew how we felt. Plus, my vibrator was on the stage, and a girl kicked it to the floor, and I was disgusted because I'm germophobic. Feel free to text me to give me your analyse of my dream. For my part, I think it means I'm horny.
2 december 2020
Today I had to cancel an appointment. So there is something you have to know about me : I am not patient. When I feel like I have to wrestle with people, I just walk the fuck out because life is too short. So I had this client who contacted me on Monday, for an appointment tonight, he sent his deposit, so when he started texting me non-stop about the sexual details of his appointment, I really tried to be patient. But 100 text messages later, he still had questions and he was asking for more and more services, like deep throat and domination, plus, he negociated the price for 1.5 h. I ended up telling him that he was starting to creep me out and I was keeping the deposit as a compensation for texting with him non-stop for 2 days. I don't like cancelling appointments, especially since my finances are not great right now, but I have to be careful with who I let into my space. Fun detail, he wanted me to wear ALL the pvc/latex clothes I own at the same time, I'm talking cat ears, schoolgirl uniform, stockings, bra and boots. That would have been a trip.
3 december 2020
Oh my god, you will never believe what just happened. I was about to use my vibrator, which was old and I knew it overheated sometimes and I had to change it soon, about 5 cm from my pussy, I turned it on, and it made a spark and died. I felt the heat on my thighs, thank god, I didn't put it on my pussy. So if anyone wants to buy me a Hitachi Magic Wand, I would appreciate.
5 december 2020
I just wanna shout out to someone who sent me 160$ when I moved to Montreal, just to wish me luck in my new location, and I was extremely touched and grateful. You know who you are!
6 december 2020
The other day I had a client with a massive cock who took anal, I can't wait until he comes back, I'm so horny... And I don't have my vibrator anymore!
8 december 2020
Great news guys! I rented an airbnb this weekend and I'm gonna come say hello to my Ottawa babes! I miss you guys so much! Can't wait to see you!
10 december 2020
I won't post today in Montreal, I havnt had a client in days and with the sanitary alert, it just feels useless. But I have a final exam for school, so today won't be a waste. I was supposed to go to this shithole town in the suburbs next week to give my deposition against my ex who sexually assaulted me 4 years ago, but I cancelled the appointment, because it's the end of the semester, and I don't see why I would compromise my energy and my mental strenght for another fuckin douchebag who can't control his dick.
12 december 2020
I'm back from my little weekend in Ottawa. It was a bit of a mental struggle for me because I'm torn between the need for money, and the need to be with my ill cat. I just had news that he may have been prescribed the wrong food for his problems and that there may have been medication available that I was never told about. Plus, the airbnb was a bit gloomy and the mattress kind of done in the middle. So what I learned this weekend : trust your clientele, and don't waste money posting, just text the people you know. I should have texted more of them, even the ones who didn't come in 4-5 months. I'm sorry I left before some of you could see me, I'm gonna come back sooner than later. I'll hurry up studying for my exams, and apply for a scholarship and come back. I'm extremely grateful to the ones of you who came over in that suspicious place, I wish I saw more of you, I definetly feel the void without you. Wishing I was at two places at once has been constant in my life for a few years now. I'll work also on having someone over to feed my cats when I'm gone. Wish me luck.
16 december 2020
I'm proud of myself today. I almost texted this guy because I was horny, but then I decided not to, because I know in the end it's not gonna be satisfying sexually. Good job Kimmy!
27 december 2020
I finally finished my exams, I took a few days to hang out with friends and family and just be normal. Today, I shot some content for my Onlyfans, god know I lost a lot of fans after a period of inactivity, mostly the nice one who always tipped. I think I had a good concept and I have the feeling of job well done. Man, I feel hungry all the time, I have to be careful with my weight.
2 january 2021
Christmas was super chill, for once. I basically stay home, cook and work out. I also order a lot of food and a lot of Starbucks because I have grown tired of my own cooking. Sexually I can say it is very, very quiet. Ive been devoting a bit more time to Onlyfans, I like it. I wanted to go to Ottawa this week, but I don't think they let people from Quebec in right now. It sucks, there was a nice airbnb. Question : should I rent an airbnb downtown, in Gatineau, in Kanata or in the West End? I can't wait to visit the guys from Ottawa.
3 january 2021
It sucks today, two clients from Ottawa texted me, but here in Montreal it's absolute fuckin zero. It's stressfull to know you're missing out on money. Plus, I'm not getting any younger. I also gotta finish making all of my address changes damn that sucks. I also gotta find what I'm gonna do with my life, which is no small task. After four years at UOttawa, I don't feel competent for the work place. You see now why I don't write a lot these days, my thoughts are extremely practical and no fun or emotional at all. If only I had good weed. Not even, my weed is average at best. I bought it from my friend who said I paid too much for my weed, and Ive been regretting ever since. Counldn't that bitch shut the fuck up for once?
6 january 2021
Good news! I'm visiting my clients in Ottawa tomorrow, january the 7th! Can't wait to see you!
8 january 2021
I just got back from my trip to Ottawa. I saw 6 wonderful clients, you know who you are, thank you for making my trip so worth it. It really felt good to see you and how you are doing. You fucked me like you missed me!
12 january 2021
I haven't been posting a lot since christmas, I don't really see the point. But soon enough I will, I the meantime I have a couple of very nice clents who see me here and I'm already planning my next trip to Ottawa next month. On the sexy side, I was super horny a few days ago, now not so much. Oh well. Still don't have a vibrator anymore, so when I feel the urge, I use my shower. People on my Onlyfans seem to enjoy shower content so it's a plus.
15 january 2021
Today, a client asked me to put a toy in his ass. When he saw the toy, he said : do you got anything smaller?
That was funny!
17 january 2021
The new Dita Von Teese lingerie collection is out on Bare Necessities, but I can't afford 300$ of lingerie right now. It's ok. I also tried this new bikini for pictures, and it didn't look as good as I hoped. Bikinis have never been my forte, I'm a one piece kind of girl. I had a very nice client today who wanted a girlfriend experience. I explained to him that I'm not sure how to do that, but I did my best, and I told him I loved him, which sounded nice. On another level, this dude I met texted me to say he thought I was beautiful and he wanted to hang out, but then he never invited me. This has happened many times before, could I please have some insight on the logic behind this? I googled to try to understand, but the answers I found don't sound right to me.
18 january 2021
Here's probably the most memorable thing a client ever told me : I came out of prison today, and I haven't had sex in 8 years. To me that's endearing.
Geez I'm horny I wish I had my vibrator.
22 january 2021
Last time I visited Ottawa, a client asked me if I brought my leash. I said no, you like the leash? He said yes, and then I asked him if he gave one to his special someone and he said no, no, no... I just thought it was funny. I also made sense of the guy who texted me for nothing. I found a website where the love coach explains that when a guy says he wants to bring you on a date but doesn't follow up, it means he is keeping his options open but he is mainly pursuing someone else. That actually makes a lot of sense. I sent him a picture of me in the bathtub with another guy and then said, oops, wrong person!
25 January 2021
A client gave me money to buy a new vibrator! I'm so happy and grateful. It has to be the biggest gift a client gave me. I had champagne, weed, chocolate, flowers, perfume, edibles, condoms, sanitizer, tattoo moisturizer, and it was very appreciated. I must be a good person because good stuff happen to me.
27 January 2021
I'm coming to Ottawa Friday, I'm excited, I rented a cute place downtown. Gotta pack and book my carpool today.
30 January 2021
I just came back from Ottawa, I saw the exact same number of clients I saw last time. I am so relieved, honestly, I was expecting half because of the lockdown. It's a shame I missed my very nice client from Montreal, but something's got to give. My Airbnb was charming and everything went fine so I'm having a great weekend so far. I truely enjoy working, not everybody has that.
4 February 2021
Today, I swallowed a guy's hair. Please guys, keep the pubic hair less than 3 cm long.
6 February 2021
I was supposed to go on a date today but the guy bailed out on me. Before he did that, he asked me which website he could use to get a sugar mommy and threw at me that his escort friends charge twice as much as I do. If I block him now, it'll seem like it pissed me off, so I'm gonna be smarter than that. When he texts me, probably to brag about who he is dating or ask me how to make money, I'm gonna wait 3 days before I answer that I'm busy fuckin my landlord in his porsche SUV. And then block him because he obviously is a toxic person. I wish I didn't have to lower the bar that much but it is what it is. I just feel dumb for letting someone play that fuckin game with me. I could be an adult and just tell him that I'm blocking him because his dynamic is toxic but that kind of person doesn't understand fairness. Ok bitch it's on. From now on, I'll only tell him about the clients who pay me thousands of dollars to have dinner with me and my new rich boyfriend, none of whom exist. I can be a bitch too.
7 February 2021
Good news guys! I'm coming back to Ottawa Thursday the 11th. I'm staying in the charming little airbnb from last time downtown and I'm wet already thinking about you!
8 February 2021
Last night, I dreamed I was on an exotic trip with a group of friends and the mean guy from 2 days ago was being so nice to me, he would cuddle me and hug me in front of people and actually show up. When I woke up I was just thankful for the nice dream but it has absolutely nothing to do with reality. The truth is he criticized me, compared me, he was sexually selfish, he asked to borrow money, he was always telling me about his sex life with other girls... He was much nicer in my dreams than in real life. There's no way in hell I'm seeing him again, he's an asshole.
9 February 2021
I tried the sugar daddy thing and it does not work for me. The whole client paying the expenses thing, it's not me. I was trying to push myself to become more polyvalent and expand my range of income but, I think it's better when it's the client's idea to buy you something. It made a relationship with a client cloudy and in the end I lost a client. It sucks. Lesson learned.
10 February 2021
I've been having this innocent flirt thing with my landlord, but today, he told me the size of his penis before the first date. He asks how big I can take. Should I be worried?
Also, I inaugurated the pool of my new building by fucking a client in it today, it was his first time ever doing it in a pool, and I'm glad we could experience this together. I love it when people come to me for their firsts.
12 February 2021
I only had one client on my trip to Ottawa. It was barely enough for the airbnb. It. Fuckin. Sucks. I guess I came not long enough ago and the demand was not there. It sucks, but what the fuck am I gonna do for rent now? At least I had a party with my friends tonight and it took my mind off things.
17 February 2021
Today was so boring, I had people all day working on the water damages in my condo. My bedroom looks like a mess. If I want to fuck a client I'll have to fuck him elsewhere. It's gonna take a while to fix it's so lame. Other than that, I'm starting to suspect my landlord has a girlfriend, because he became very distant. I'm glad I didn't send him the pics he asked. I also gave my filmed deposition to the investigator about my ex who assaulted me on Monday. I feel okay about it, but I don't know if it's gonna lead anywhere.
19 February 2021
I made some cool shower content with my anal beads today. It was fun, I came. I also made a giant cookie in a pan and I ate it all by myself. I posted and I got no appointments. I got some stuff to do for school but I've been procrastinating.
23 February 2021
I missed a client today because I had class, it sucks, I can't really afford to miss clients these days, but the Zoom sessions are not recorded. Other than that, I bought a book from Drs John and Julie Gottman: The man's guide to women. Even though I'm not in a relationship, I just enjoy any book about psychology. But the Gottmans are particularly smart therapists and authors. It basically says that women confide their emotions to their man not for solution finding, but just because they need to talk about it without judgment. It also says that men who are able to welcome a woman's emotions without reasonning with her, or joking, or telling her to stop will get more sex overall. Fascinating.
24 February 2021
Fun fact : to save money, I replaced the Starbucks lattes by McDonald's lattes.
25 February 2021
I've been listening to the How to Be an Escort youtube channel, it's extremely interesting. I learned that the fact that I don't french kiss the clients may be a big obstacle for me to be making more money, food for thought. Actually, the "small menu" has been a recurring issue in the reviews. I could also add more visual stimulation. I honestly don't know how much I offer on a scale of one to ten. It also said that the clients really like giving oral, and I know I lost people because of that. But at the same time, the escort who has the channel charged 2000$ an hour. She offers mentoring, I feel like trying that.
I walked by a store that sold Lise Charmelle lingerie this afternoon, the display was soooo beautiful. I fell in love. Plus, the boutique has the name of a poem from Émile Nelligan and it's on Saint-Paul street, next to the Corno gallery. A magical moment.
26 February 2021
I'm almost out of weed and I can't afford some more :( That's gonna be interesting. But maybe it's for the better. Then, I've been getting very little business lately, so I'm thinking of posting on merb, but it's 339$ a month. It's kind of expensive. The positive aspect is that people have to be members to watch your ad, so it's not 100% out there and they do a decent amount of monitoring. Maybe that's why it's so expensive. At least spring is coming.
1 March 2021
I woke up early for clients today, which turned out to be absolutely fuckin pointless. It's another shitty week after another shitty fuckin weekend, but you know what? It's still better than the actual dating scene. After I tried to get more involved on terb.cc, I decided they are never gonna make a buck off me because they are not there for the girls, they are just there to make money off of us. They pretend like it's a safe positive space with guidelines, but the truth is they are just there to take your money they don't give a shit, they are cyber pimps. And for those who feel like an agency is "safer", just so you know, an agency is just a guy who didn't finish high school. There is no miracle there, it's just another hand in the girls' pockets.
2 March 2021
I took some new verified pictures in a formal dress for my ad, and I broke records of views, but still very few texts :( I miss my clients from Ottawa...
3 March 2021
I woke up at 7 this morning, but decided it was pointless to get up and fell back asleep until 2. Not one missed text. I have to cancel my cat's vet apppointment because I can't afford it. I owe over 200$ to the phone company, I don't have it. If I dont make at least 1800$ this month, I won't be able to pay for my rent neither. I got 900$ from the government last month because I lost more than 50% of my revenue in the last year, I just hope it gets granted again this month. I have no inspiration for my Onlyfans, like litterally none, but I have to produce something, because otherwise I will lose 15 fans in one week again. I'm sorry for being depressing, but you know what to do to make me feel better : BOOK ME. The very few people who text me ask for pictures and shit like that. Here's an example of the shit I gotta pull through everyday :
-Hey Kimmy, are you working today please?
-Yes I am
-Can I call you for a kink please? I can pay like 500$ for 15min
-you can send a deposit and call after
-Lol fuck you scammer
-If you think youre gonna get off for free, you're the scammer bitch
I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to do?
I just got a client! Woohoo! I didn't ask for a deposit because I didn't wanna lose him, he ended up paying by etransfer anyway.
4 March 2021
Today was a bit rough emotionally. I pulled the plug on the investigation of my sexual assault case, because the investigator absolutely wanted to talk to my friends about it, and it makes my friends uncomfortable. It's not their life, it's not their initiative, and I feel like it does not respect my right to privacy. So I told the investigator to forget about it because I didn't wanna let my past turn my present into a shitshow. At least I can tell myself I tried. Silmultaniously, my cute landlord also kept texting me flirty stuff but he was always too busy to hang out, and I ended up thinking he was purposely keeping me on the hook. It's been going on for over a month and I hate playing games. I called him a douche and I told him that texting me just to see if he could was a dick move, that the offer was off the table, he obviously has better elsewhere and I wouldn't wanna bother him with my disgusting vagina. I think he was pissed about the douche thing, but the truth always hurt. Then I killed it at the gym, I really needed it. I also made a cinnamon roll pancake, it was quite disappointing.
5 March 2021
I had a very nice client today, it was his first time ever, and I can say we tried a lot of stuff for his first time. I think it waas a better first time than a lot of people. Definitely better than mine. Since I was feeling financial pressure, I decided I would not ask for deposits today. I had a booking a 4:30, one at 5:30, and one at 6:30. But, when the first one was late, (did not let me know he would be late), I assumed he wouldn't show up and I asked the two others for deposits to secure their appointments. They refused. Then, the first client ended up showing up, so before I started the session I texted "nevermind" to the others. I spent the first hour being anxious in the back of my head about not overlapping the 4:30 and the 5:30, come to find out both other appointments cancelled without letting me know. So I'm exasperated, I carry ALL the stress of booking, getting ready, showing up on time, on top of advertising, STDs, buying supplies, creeps... I once told my best friend: "I'm an escort, but really my job, what I spend 80% of my time doing, is waiting after people who don't know how much time it takes to get there." There is no perfect job. I'm still happier than when I was making 20 000$ a year at the beauty salon with my fuckin boss who wanted to make me feel like paying me was a favor. But it just sucks because I was supposed to make 600$ plus, and god knows I need the money, but I made less. On top of that, one of the guys says he will come back tomorrow but the internet technician is coming tomorrow afternoon. So the very little chance I had to make money tomorrow basically disappeared. I fuckin hate optic fibre, they pretend like it's the shit and that's why it's more expensive but since I had it I find my internet slower and it just crashed out of nowhere. So I have to say I did not relax for shit today I'm feeling super tense. But at least I made money, I'm not complaining. I swear I wont buy drugs with that, it's 100% gonna go in the bills, I even stopped buying lattes.
6 March 2021
The guy who said he would be back today did not text so I blocked him, I'm not his fuckin secretary. The technician showed up but he can't do anything because the door of the electric pannel is locked and the janitor is not there on the weekends. So no internet until at least Monday. It's just a shame that I pay 1790$ a month to stay here and 68$ a month for the internet and I get such shitty service. Think I should just get the fuck out and go live in the woods. It's 4 pm and I'm more than ready to go to bed. It's not like anything positive was gonna happen today. I'm definitely not ready to stop smoking weed, life is way too fuckin stressful.
7 March 2021
I'm feeling much better today. I made a bit of money, which bring my weekly total at an acceptable amount. I have a good feeling that I'm gonna make my rent. I just gotta keep posting, keep taking better pictures, keep being available and be nice. It should be okay. Last night I was feeling like shit, I'm pretty sure I have iron deficiency. I was working out and dieting all week, I was feeling great, and then I got my period and I developped extreme fatigue, loss of appetite, lightheadedness, I was cold all the time... I'm feeling better today, I was able to eat. Last night I couldn't hold anything down.
10 March 2021
I've been in great spirits these last few days, I ate a little bit of meat, mostly breakfast sausages and I'm also working out a little bit less and I feel better. I have to put on a little bit of weight because I took pictures and my cleavage was getting a bit bony. Two people asked me if I'm coming to Ottawa soon, and one even offered to pay for my airbnb which is very helpful. It definitely takes the gamble out of it. I just gotta do some stuff for school and I'm super anxious about it, it is so boring, I fall asleep just reading the material to do it, and I really feel like it's not making me ready for the job market, it's just a trap for uottawa to make money. I think next semester I'm gonna do a quick certificate in a university in Montreal so I can finally get a goddamn job.
13 March 2021
I've been working on this paper, it's due on Tuesday, so I swear you won't be hearing about it for too long still. I had a new client today, he was very nice, he took one hour with greek and he asked that I keed on the blue dress from my new photos. I knew this dress was gonna take me places. Actually it's the girl from the How to be an Escort channel who gave me the idea to wear a long formal dress on my pictures. She knew what she was talking about. Another client satisfied with my reverse cowgirl anal. At least I think he was satisfied, I hope so. Other than my paper I have absolutely nothing planned this weekend, but I gotta finish this.
I refused an invitation to film content for my Onlyfans with someone. I really needed it. But I decided I would lock myself in my place and do this damn paper. I'm having bad anxiety, I want to drop out but 900$ of my parent's money went in that class. It fuckin sucks.
14 March 2021
A client from Ottawa texted me today, he can't come to Montreal. I guess I'm gonna visit Ottawa soon, but the airbnb I liked is not available. I hope she didn't ban me, but I don't see why because I was always very respectful of her place. There are other places, maybe the one I worked at before. It was just a little cold and I couldn't find the thermostat. Anyway, I booked my first facial for tomorrow. Since I'm a certified beautycian, why not charge people for wax and facials, I know men have a demand for that. All ways are good to make a buck.
15 March 2021
I did my first facial treatment to a client today, I hope he liked it. The water damage in my condo is getting fixed tomorrow, so I guess no work for me. It's gonna be hard to be awake at 9 am because I'm absolutely not a morning person and I go to bed usually at 5 am, but I'm excited for the condo to be back to normal. It's a good moment to remind everybody not to leave a location without supervision for months at a time. Now, it's crunch time and I gotta take a picture of my cooch for my onlyfans while watching westcoat customs.
16 March 2021
Today, the handy man came. He was so hot! He complimented my preserved moss, which means he has good taste. I think he's the first to ever compliment it. I have to say, some porn scenario came to mind. He might come back tomorrow. I'm gonna curl my hair just in case and pray.
17 March 2021
The handyman never came, but the landlord came to take a look. I wore my formal blue dress with high slits (so no panties) and my hair was nicely curled. When he mentioned the dress I said "oh, I was taking pictures for my onlyfans." While he was looking at the condo I offered him a beer which he gladly accepted. And we ended up doing it. But I didn't wanna be too easy without a proper date so I didn't blow him and I didn't let him come. But I was so damn horny it's been so long, and I was curious to see the effect my dress would have. Verdict : it was not passionate enough, not enough exploratory, not enough hands, not enough mouth, ignored my clitoris... Did not text after... I wonder what he thinks of me. Probably that I'm a slut. He doesn't know I'm an escort. Anyway I'll try the exact same number on the handyman and let you guys know how it goes.
18 March 2021
I'm bored senseless, I would kill for a client. I started telling my Ottawa clients about my next visit the 26th. I had an ok response, but not great.
19 March 2021
I had a weird dream that I had a boyfriend and a female client, and I started fucking my boyfriend in front of her, I guess to turn her on. But then we realized my bf stole two rings from my client, and I kicked him out of my house for making me lose a client. I was so pissed. I wonder what the mental process behind that dream was.
I purposely woke up earlier today to post my ad and I told the repair man not to come so I could be available for clients. So far, it's 5 pm and I havn't got shit. It sucks.
21 March 2021
Usually, I don't have any clients on Sunday, so I went to three different areas in Montreal to buy vintage items for my place. I also bought a new plant. I send a picture of the item to the seller once it's found it's place and they like it. My place is gorgeous. Someone tonight sent me misspelled texts about "making money in a fetish agency". It was not very clear what they wanted me to do exactly, they just kept talking about how much money they make and they don't pay taxes. I googled the name of the "agency", there was a website, but the pictures sucked ass. It was like 6 pictures of the same girl on a creepy grandma couch, with the worst lighting and the worst framing, and one was a screenshot of leolist. Gross. I felt I was talking to someone who was really high, and not on weed. Anyway, time to hit the gym.
22 March 2021
Tomorrow the handyman is coming... Should I pull the same shit I pulled with the landlord? Lol, I don't know, maybe not. I think I'm gonna look killer but have a very detached attitude and not make any move. Yeah, that's better.
23 March 2021
So the handyman came over, I was dolled up real nice but I kept to myself and did not make any move. Yes, I was wearing the killer blue dress (by the way, one client gave me a pre paid credit card number to buy a similar dress in red, I can't wait to see how it fits!) He was even more standoffish than usual. Anyway nothing happened. He's coming tomorrow to finish the job, paint and everything. I'm even more excited about finishing the work than fucking him. While he was there someone sent me an email, saying he was shopping for a latex catsuit for me and asking for my size and what colour I wanted. I was brief in my responses because there are people everyday trying to get off for free by just talking with me. But if I see a proof of purchase, it's on! I just find it curious that he never met me before, but it was always a daydream of mine that poeple from abroad would get atttatched to my story and encourage me from afar. Are we there yet, or is it another creep? Time will tell. Like a few months ago, this dude tried to keep me on the phone for like 10 minutes and said he sent me 500$ just like that, to encourage me. Did the money show up? Absolutely not. So, yeah the only thing you have in this business and in life really is your instinct.
24 March 2021
Financially, things are going extremely bad. I'm missing 900$ to pay my rent, exceeded the limit of my credit card and don't get me started on all the other bills. It's extremely hard, maybe moving to Montreal was a mistake. I don't know what the fuck I should do. Clients have problems with deposits, but the last time I didn't ask for deposits, I had one late and two no shows. I don't know what's wrong, I have a great product in a great location. Everyday, people tell me they don't wanna send a deposit or they say they sent it and it never arrives. I don't know how my trip to Ottawa will go, I only have one pre booked appointment and I don't know for how long or at what time. Plus, my checkout starts at 3 pm, so I had to refuse a booking in the morning. And the checkout is at 11 so I'll probably miss a booking at noon like it does everytime. Damn it fuckin sucks. When I have money, things go well. If I don't, things go shitty. I wanna start going to Ottawa every Friday from now on, but I don't have enough room on my card to book another airbnb. I'm in a bind. I can't fuckin work today because the painter is painting my place, but he barely worked so far and he's been gone for an hour. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't remember the last time I had a client. When I post, I get like 5 texts, all pointless. Should I join an agency? Should I post more? Should I post less? It's not like it's free. I'm hungry right now but I can't afford fuckin uber eats. I gotta send my cat to the vet, but I can't afford to. Shit this is bad. I knew it would be hard but it is really fucking hard.
Oh, and the guy who says he bought me a catsuit without ever metting me emailed again, he asked for my size again, I told him that if he sent me a proof of purchase I'd be much nicer to him, but without one I would have to block him. The last thing I need right now is to be taken advantage of.
25 March 2021
3 AM The guy who emailed about the catsuit did not send a purchase proof, surprise. I was waiting to have 1000$ on my onlyfans balance before sending the money in my bank account because the bank charges a 15$ fee everytime, but on April 1, their new terms of services are taking place and they could suspend my account and my money forever. It says black on white that you should not advertise escort services, show drugs (I don't know if they consider weed a drug), or any other individual unless I have their written consent and a proof they are over 18. So those are the breaches that concern me, of course it's also forbidden to post necrophilia but I'm really not concerned by that one. I may lose my pending balance of 17$... I heard Riley Reid talk about it on the no jumper podcast. You actually can learn a lot on youtube. If I lose my 300$, it's gonna make a lot of difference in my budget. I know you guys are probably tired of hearing me talk about my money problems lol. When I get the money that I want I don't talk about it. Anyway, crunch time and bed time.
28 March 2021
So I went to Ottawa on Friday, I was quite afraid that it was not worth it financially, but I ended up meeting with 5 of my clients, we had a great time and I made enough to pay my rent! That's a big weight off my shoulders, and I'm about to book an airbnb to go back 2 weeks from now. I think if I go every 2 weeks it would be a good cadence. Now, the airbnb wasn't great, the walls were paper thin, the mattress was probably older than me, and the pipes in the bathroom let out a shitty smell. I didn't see the place I wanted in the listings. Could the lady have blocked me because I didn't leave a review? Or something else? Did she have a nanny cam and figure out what I do? Anyway, now I know for sure it is worth it to pay more. 45$ really go a long way. On Saturday, I had a returning client from Montreal. I always like when people come back. He made me wear heels, which was fun. And I had a booking on Sunday! I think it's like the first time I work on a Sunday here so I was quite happy. I'm just a little self critical like always, because I feel like I could have given an even better service. The better I work the more money I make. Speaking of working harder, I have a subungual hematoma from all that time spent on the eliptic. I'm gonna try different shoes tonight, but I might have to buy bigger ones. I wanna keep running, but I can't have my toenail turn black. Oh, and I withdrew money from my CELI to pay my credit card with, I'm not proud of that move, but there was just no short/medium term solution and my credit score suffered a little bit and I could not have that.
30 March 2021
I realize that it may have been a mistake to sleep with my landlord because he never took the time to come over to drink mimosas in the pool, and I slept with him anyway (although I didn't let him come) and now, I lost the leverage I had and I got tossed aside. It's very humbling and angrying to think of that. Not angry at him, but angry at the cultural fact that women are considered less valuable if they "give it up too fast". I didn't think less of him, I just don't see how he thinks less of me. Although, I don't think I had any leverage in the first place, the little flirty thing had been going on for over a month and he never made plans for an actual date. I was just so curious to see the effect my dress would have, curious to see if porn scenarios do happen, and curious to see his abilities in the sheets. And I was so damn horny. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Honestly that's why I feel like clients treat me better than regular dates, it's because they are really trying to make the most of our time together and they seem to appreciate it more, and I don't end up empty handed. The dynamic with clients is so honest compared to the regular dating world that is just so sneaky. And I have a returning client coming tomorrow, can't wait! I'm gonna put on tanning lotion tonight and curl my hair and really be the best I can be.
31 March 2021
My booking for today left not too long ago, the only thing I didn't do before he arrived was vacuum the carpet, but other than that my looks and service were on point, he already talked about next time, so I consider this session a success. I'm gonna go and buy something to eat in chinatown, I havn't eaten yet.
1 April 2021
Didn't have any clients today, but a nice someone sent me 50$ just like that, because he likes me. I am always grateful for those signs of appreciation. Someone said they would come but they didn't wanna send a deposit. I had a little afternoon party with friends, we went in the pool and I still did my regular workout after. I might have to cancel my next trip to Ottawa because of confinment, which would suck.
2 April 2021
So, I posted at 10:30 this morning, it lead to nothing, absolutely no booking in the near or far future, probably gonna cancel my airbnb booking on April 9, the financial insecurity is back after I thought I was coming out of it. At least my onlyfans is going well, but I need a new performer for it, the one I have right now has performance issues, I think the camera makes him uncomfortable. Or I think he said something about not enough foreplay. Where the fuck am I gonna find a new dick?
3 April 2021
Someone wanted to come at 1:45 am. Since he already sent me some money, I accepted to book him. He seems like a very nice guy, but on the phone he seemed quite intoxicated and at 2:11 am he was still not en route. It's always the same thing with late night clients, they are never ready, they need to shower, they need to go to the atm and they don't know where it is, they say it will take 15 minutes and 40 minutes later they are still not there. I just can't have a drunk guy fall asleep at my place, I'm not gonna be able to make him leave. And I don't wanna end up sucking a soft dick for one hour. So yeah it sucks because I sure need the money, but I'm not a party girl. He probably would have hated my vibe anyway since we are so different.
10 pm I bought bubble bath for the first time in years cause I got a special request for tomorrow. I think it's gonna be dope to go in my super deep warm bathtub instead of the pool.
4 April 2021
Today I had an early morning appointment with a charming returning client, he is an absolute gentleman. But I was not able to give my top performance ever because the anal was a tiny bit painfull... Sorry about that if you read this. Then I had a nice Easter brunch with family, and then another appointment which consisted in a romantic bubble bath followed by sex. I feel extremely relaxed. What a good day.
6 April 2021
No client since :( Anyway, I took a nice walk at clock tower beach next to my place, it felt really nice. I have appointments next week for mole removals with Dr Joseph Doubit, appearently a good dermatologist, and laser hair removal. I wanna look the best I can, I wanna be productive about my life and invest in myself. There is no excuse, you have to do what you have to do and not be a victim of circumstances. I also have a tattoo appointment and a dental appointment this month, so yes, it's gonna be a challenge financially, but I am ready. Now off to the gym. I watched a few Jordan Peterson videos today and he talks about the importance of a routine and being efficient with your time and I thik he is 100% right.
7 April 2021
I feel a bit tired tonight but I don't know why, I took a nice walk in the sunshine today, but other than that I haven't done much. I wore a formfitting dress and a biker jacket while running my errands, and I can feel people looking at me differently. It feels nice to be warm enough to wear a dress. I cancelled my trip to Ottawa because of the stay at home order, obviously. Tonight, my mission is working out and applying self tanning lotion. Oh and last night I received a fishnet garter belt from a client as a gift and I took some pics for my onlyfans with it. Thank you client!
8 April 2021
I started doing 250 reverse crunches instead of 100 because I'm not eating the best right now and I want more results. It feels great. Between 100 and 250 there really is not that big of a difference. I was invited to a BBQ tomorrow, but I might not go because it's Friday and I'm afraid to miss a client. That would be classic. I received some cool stuff from Shein, including a top that's 100% made of metal. Everything fits great except one bodysuit. I might be able to fix it myself. I took cool pictures for my onlyfans, I had quite an original concept and it took little time to shoot so I'm kind of proud of that. And I finally purchased the guide Deposits 101 by The Organised Escort, it was 27$ AUD, it had been taunting me for a while and I really needed help with deposits. I can say it helped me make up my mind, but 27$ is a bit much. Yesterday the attendance on my blog peeked at 61 visits. What is going on? :)
9 April 2021
I went for like 2 hours at the BBQ and I may have missed an online appointment. Suuuucks. I tell myself I'll make the money some other time. I put on a very cute halter top today with some shorts and everybody was looking at me. Later tonight I mixed it with a garter belt and stockings of the same colour and I made a video. It was HOT. I came. I think I'm ovulating so I was super horny. I wish I had somebody to come fuck me. I think I'm gonna go to bed early for change.
10 Avril 2021
I had 2 clients on the same day, that's a summer miracle. They were both complete gentlemen and we had a great time. They both tried anal for the first time in their life! We sipped iced coffee, had a bubble bath... I must think of buying beer tomorrow for clients. I even made a clip for my onlyfans with one of them. It looks good. Now I feel super mellow because of the warm bath but I gotta find the energy to work out. Let's go!
11 April 2021
Today was my niece's birthday, we celebrated and we had a blast. I was supposed to have a booking at 6 but he didn't show up. Oh, well, I keep the deposit. It just sucks because tomorrow I'm getting moles removed and it's gonna cost a shitload of money. Anyway, I'm excited, I'm ready. Now I'm tired but time to go workout. The landlord sent me a picture of a penis shaped waffle. I don't really know what to make of that.
12 April 2021
No appointments today. I went to the dermatologist to remove some moles, it costed over 2000$ and I'm kind of freaking out because the one on my face is quite red. I pray it heals well and I'll be able to cover it with makeup while keeping it covered with vaseline. I also gotta stay away from the sun for a while. I hope I won't regret this. The two I got removed on my back are bleeding a little bit under the dressings, but I'm not too worried about that. I don't know if I'll be able to get into the pool tomorrow afternoon with my client, but we can still have lots of fun. Last time I got tattooed I went in the pool less than 48 hours after and it healed fine.
13 April 2021
Pool appointment today, it was a lot of fun, it definitely felt like summer. I can't wait to party outside with my friends. Other than that, I watched this great 2 hour talk on youtube called This is Why You Can't Find Love by Joe Dispenza and Lewis Howes. I liked what they said about the importance of a vision for the future. My laser hair removal appointment tomorrow got cancelled, and the moles I got removed don't look great but they are already getting better I think. I had to put a shitton of foundation for my appointment, I hope I'm ok for the music video on May first.
15 April 2021
I dreamt that my cat was dead and I had to cut it to pieces and put it in the freezer. It was awful. Now I gotta get ready, the landlord is coming to fix something in the kitchen. I'll wear a mask, I don't want him to see the wound from the mole removal on my face. I'll still do my makeup and my hair nice, but not too nice, and I won't make a single move because he never asks me how I'm doing and he never asks me for a date. I'm sure he has someone in his life even if I clearly asked the question and he said no. Oh well, what matters is that I woke up this morning and my cat was still alive.
So the landlord came, I was dressed nice but I was wearing my mask, and other than kiss on the cheeks when he arrived and left, nothing happened. He gave me a big speech about changing the air filter. It's obvious he wants nothing to do with me. Oh well. It's okay he doesn't know me, it says nothing about who I am.
I think my dream meant that I feel guilt for not bringing my cat to the vet. If I had 4 booking a day, I could afford to, but its more like 4 bookings a week, so I can barely afford to pay my bills. And it's not like I never saw a vet for those issues, I did, I was charged 800$ for bloodwork with absolutely no treatment plan.
I gained a little bit of weight this week because I had bread, cheese, meat and chocolate mousse, I gotta lose it before the music video. I'm hungry all the time christ fuck.
16 April 2021
Last night I did my 40 minutes of eliptic and my 250 sit ups, I feel much less bloated already. If I keep this up and abstain from eating dairy, I should be fine. Around noon I posted my ad and someone who asked for my rates said I was too expensive and he is used to paying 140/160$ for one hour all included. I asked him who charges that and he said "this one who receives on motel Chablis". I informed him that a girl was murdered at motel Chablis and I sent him the link to a Montreal Gazette article. He was like "no way!" I told him if he wants an incall where nobody died I have a loft in the old port next to the yacht club.
17 April 2021
Today I'm finishing my tattoo! Finally, after two years! Well there's still a little place where I had a mole removed where she can't tattoo so I guess the finishing touch will come in bout 2 years when it's fully healed, but still it's gonna be like 99% finished by tonight. I had a few texts this morning, it sucks that I can't see anybody this afternoon but I still can work tonight. People who texted me this week have been saying it's too expensive but I don't feel like it is. I still have that goddamn problem of making people accept to send a 20$ deposit but nothing tells me they would be serious even if I didn't. I've been using The Organised Escort's tips, but I don't see much of a difference.
18 April 2021
My tattoo is much better than it was, Dominique told me that there is still a lot of work to do before it looks really good. That's awesome, I'll book another appointment with her when I have a bit more money. She charges 50$ less per hour than my previous artist and she does a way better job. I'm excited for the clients to see my improved back, god know it's been a journey. Other than that, I unperdictably shot some interracial content for my onlyfans on Saturday night, why not? I bought something fun and unexpected at the grocery store to shoot some content tonight, let's hope it looks as good on camera as it did in my head.
19 April 2021
My onlyfans session last night was so much fun, it definitely was a new experience and I came shooting it. I tried the pre schedule funtion of the platform, and I think I like it.
20 April 2021
Today is 420!! Happy 420 everyone! I was doing my taxes all afternoon and no one invited me to hang out so I have to say, today is not very festive. I don't even know what content to create to celebrate it. But I was able to speak to someone at the Revenue Agency to handle some things, so I feel like my afternoon wasn't wasted. Plus, I tried this vegan diner, Burger Fiancé, it was delicious and copious. But sitting in the grass with a bunch of hippies and smoke weed would have been nice.
22 April 2021
I just finished filing my taxes, good riddance! I had a nice client today, it was lots of fun. I'm super hungry now.
23 Avril 2021
I baked banana, fig jam and peanut butter mini pies this afternoon. Damn it was good. My blog is losing in attendance but my onlyfans is picking up. I tried watching Lana Rhoades' podcast, I was unable to finish it, I just can't relate to those girls. I had no serious inquiries today, just people nagging that it's too expensive. The other girls are posting like crazy, I don't really see the point. I might need some new verified pictures.
26 April 2021
Hi guys! After two days of absence I'm back. Honestly, this weekend was so boring there was litteraly nothing to write about. I completely stopped bread and alcohol to be ready for the clip on Saturday, I already feel less bloated. I gave a bath to my cat today thinking he was sneezing because of the dust in his coat, but he keeps sneezing, so I actually think it's from feline herpes that make him prone to upper respiratory infections. I play hockey tomorrow night with my friends, I haven't played in over four years, I want to compare my fitness now and then. I have enough to pay my rent this month, thanks to the Canada Recovery Benefit. I watched a movie last night, The Gift with Jason Bateman, it was really good, it had a great suspense.
22:46 I just got an idea. What if I did a sort of membership plan, where you pay 500$ for a month and you can come as many times as you want? Don't hesitate to text me if you're interested!
27 April 2021
I really enjoyed the hockey tonight, it was nice to see old friends and my physical shape is, I think, better than last time. The only unpleasant thing was that I got hit by the ball on my arm and it's gonna bruise. Another thing I gotta conceal for the music video, on top of my mole removals. I just came out of the shower, where I created some nice content for my onlyfans, I'm excited to post it. I also masturbated in there and I came. For tonight, I have a bit of volunteer work to do online and then off to the gym.
28 April 2021
I started packing for the music video. I got Backwoods, Red Stripe, snacks, and some outfits. Tomorrow I'm gonna start practicing my makeup. I'm sore everywhere from hockey... I think I should book a makeup artist and a photographer for a new shoot for my website. I never worked with a great photographer, but Luxuria Studio, I think, is an ex escort who is now a photographer and I think for 600$ she offers a shoot with hair and makeup included. I also got an idea about a business I could open but I am not ready to talk about it. I also think I could rent my place for adult movies and photoshoots. It would be a new way to utilize my space. I also got a text today from a number I didn't know saying we met before in Ottawa and he wanted one hour at 3:30. When I asked for a deposit, because I have no idea who it was, he just went silent. Mystery...
29 April 2021
I scheduled an ad post this morning at 10. I was expecting a few texts when I woke up at noon, but I had none. It says that my ad was seen over 100 times since this morning. It's super weird that my ad was seen 135 times and not a single text. Anyway, if my financial situation doesn't get better after the summer, I'll move back to Ontario. It can't go on like this forever. I was wondering if it would be worth it to post again today, but fuck it. There are costs associated to that and I have no reason to believe it's gonna lead to appointments.
30 April 2021
I'm finishing the last touches for the shoot tomorrow. I waxed places I don't even usually, I put rollers in my hair, applied some self tanning lotion, did 200 reverse crunches and I'm about to pre roll some blunts and go to bed. Wish me luck!
1 May 2021
The shooting was a lot of fun, it was very long, I'm exhausted. I was in two scenes, sitting in the vip booth with the rappers and other girls. I put a little sneak peek on my onlyfans, I'm trying to put my hands on a picture with me on it. I haven't seen the images at all. Now off to bed!
2 May 2021
Something kind of funny just happened. Somebody called and asked if I am really five foot tall and started explaining that they really enjoy having sex with short girls. I cut him off and said "don't be creepy, don't be creepy" and then I hung up.
3 May 2021
This morning I got woken up by my work phone that kept ringing endlessly, and when I answered the guy was asking a bunch of random questions like "are you independent, are you an agency" and I hung up in his face. Dude, the only thing I wanna hear is "I'm sending you the deposit right now". I think I won't post today, the weather is shittier than yesterday, so if it was pointless yesterday, it must be even more pointless now. That reminds me, one of my old clients from Ottawa the other day kept me on the phone for one hour, trying to guilt me into sending him a free picture because supposedly he is a "good client". I wrote him the next day and told him I dont appreciate his silly little fucking game that he plays and thank god I'm not married to him. You gotta stand for yourself as a woman because people will take take take and make you feel guilty for not giving even more.
4 May 2021
I just came home from playing hockey, I played a good defense, and now it's workout time. I also tried a new recipe of iced latte made with instant coffee, I was very skeptical at first, but it's great, and I don't have to wait 8 hours after the cold brew.
5 May 2021
This morning a client from Ottawa texted... It breaks my heart, I miss you guys so much. I got an idea at the grocery store for my only fans : sit on a cake and rub it on my pussy! Would you guys think it's hot? If I had black latex pants it would be even better. I gotta put that on my list of things I dream of having one day. That reminds me, I never got any follow up about the latex suit someone was emailing me about and asking for measurements (laughs).
6 May 2021
2 am I tried shooting the content of me sitting on the cake, it came out better than I expected! I was really doubting how it would turn out but I think people will enjoy it.
1:55 pm I was listening to a Jordan Peterson video while doing my makeup, and I had a revelation. Lately, I've been just going through the motions and putting way too much focus on just paying the bills. From now on, I am gonna live purposely, aka actually living my life in accordance with my short, medium and long term goals, which are doing stand up, doing a podcast, volunteering in an animal shelter, opening an animal shelter in the Caribbean, doing more music videos, being a ring girl, and making my own infused rum... Not necessarily in that order. But really, I felt a shift in my vision of things, I am not on the verge of being in the street, I was not put on this earth to pay bills, I have a much brighter, greater purpose in life, I am a vibrant person who has multiple talents and a lot to offer the world. I'm sure there are countless places where I would blossom. I just gotta make use of the network that I do have, think outside of the box, and get to it with enthusiasm and stop being so damn afraid of the paperwork and money aspect of things.
2:38 pm Some dude just called and said he read my blog and I seemed realy down to earth, and that he hasn't been with a woman in a long time... My red flag alert was beeping, because I know from experience that guys who talks on and on and don't book an appointment are purposely wasting my time. If he read my blog, he should know I don't like that. Then of course, he started telling me that he is tall and he read that anal is my speciality; that's when I interrupted him and told him I would send him the details for the deposit and hung up. He was about to ask me if I could take his size! Classic, I've been asked that a million times and I know for a fact that those guys never book an appointment. They're just trying to get off for free. Which is the same as robbing me. I can't find the words to explain how it makes it worse that he says that he read my blog... I think it's that he is trying to appeal to me, or make me feel like he likes me. He underestimated me, I see guys like him coming from a mile away.
9:28 pm Surprise! The client actually showed up, he did send the deposit and all. I am rarely pleasantly surprised and it was refreshing. So mister lost his anal virginity, we had lots of fun and let's hope he comes back!
7 May 2021
No clients today! I posted ads! It sucks. But I still did some volunteer work, infused rum, and I worked out so it's not like I did nothing. I also talked to my friend who lives in the Caribbean, he wants us to hang out in the Dominican Republic, but he has very little time off and he doesn't seem to wanna take a proper week off. I might go anyway since I have flight credits and they expire in less then a year I believe, but that guy has a way of not planning stuff that is just annoying, and he makes it sound like it's not his decision even though it is. We'll see. We do have great memories of outdoors sex in Florida together, those were the days. I'm definitely overdue for an exotic vacation.
8 May 2021
I woke up with such energy today, I started my workout early and I bought some flowers for my mom tomorrow. I also contacted my friend that I haven't talked to in like two months, and I told her that I'm sorry I was not there for her lately and I'd like to invite her to dinner this week. She replied pretty much instantly that she has had some issues lately and it was hard for her, and she's available on Wednesday. So I'm gonna make her a delicious mexican vegan salad with corn chips and my homemade guacamole, with Caribbean Dream for desert. I also booked a ticket for a live play featuring an intellectually disabled actress. I read about it in the newspaper this morning and even though it's tough financially, I just felt that I had to go.
9 May 2021
I took a nice little day off for Mother's Day, it felt awesome and now I'm back from the gym and off to bed.
11 May 2021
I cancelled a dinner with my parents for an appointment, but I really need the money. There is no such thing as working when you want. My onlyfans it peeking right now, gotta keep putting the work and it will keep growing. I miss my clients from Ottawa.... I want to have more clients and my reputation to spread and become one of the top providers in Montreal. I already know my incall and my service is top tier, but it's the taffic I'm missing. I also had a nightmare last night, I was on vacation with two girls I know in real life, and we had a plane to catch, and I wanted to go to the airport, but they kept saying "later, later, we have time" and in the end we were gonna miss the flight and I was freaking out and they were making me feel like I was a total bitch. I had that oppressing feeling that I was stuck in one place, that I was not taken seriously, and that I was slowed down. I don't even talk to those girls anymore. It's weid, I wonder what it meant. I think dreams express what our unconscious feels.
12 May 2021
No bookings today, but I had a nice dinner party with my girlfriend that I haven't seen in like two months, we talked about so much stuff, it was delightful. You have to take care of the relationships in your life because in the end they give meaning to everything. But she said the food was too spicy and when she went to the bathroom her butthole was burning. Oh damn... I also had the tough task to tell her that her ex sent me a friend request on facebook recently. She was extremely hurt, she cried and she wants to go spraypaint his car. I told her if she does it, I'm gonna do it with her.
I also got a revelation this afternoon while watching a Véronique Kohn video on youtube. I might enjoy being alone because I have a personality that adapts all the time to people, so when I'm alone I don't have to adapt. I had never thought of that before.
13 May 2021
A very nice client from Ottawa sent me money to buy lingerie! I'm so happy. I'm gonna go to Il Bolero tomorrow to see if there's anything nice, or I'll probably order Dita von Teese from Nordstrom US. It encourages me when people appreciate my work. I also did a privato show online, I came, and I got a haircut. What a beautiful day!
14 May 2021
So today I went lingerie shopping and it was dope! It felt good to see people in the street by this beautiful day. I got a corset and matching panties! So cute! Thanks so much! I'm a little bit mad today because I didn't get more bookings this week although I spent a shitload in advertisment, but anyway, off to the gym.
15 May 2021
Alright, so a little fuckin bitch called me at 8 on a Saturday morning and asked if he was waking me up, and then started talking shit. I cut him, hung up and blocked him. What the fuck have I done for people to be so fuckin mean to me?
16 May 2021
I just made a killer video for my onlyfans, I'm so proud. I was out of fresh content. I also perfected my pad thai recipe, it's getting pretty decent, but it's not perfect just yet. Last night somebody wanted to book tonight at 11, but he never sent the deposit. Tomorrow afternoon, an old friend from the strip club is coming over to hit the pool, it's gonna be the first time we hang out one on one. I'm sure it's gonna be awesome.
17 May 2021
My old friend never called, but it gave me an occasion to book a client, and he took ALL the options, and I mean ALL of them, so all is well that ends well. Around 9 pm she texted to say she was hungover and puking all day. That's completely fine, and if she ever wonders why she makes less money than me, now she knows.
18 May 2021
I can't go to hockey tonight because I got a booking, I'm actually super bummed out by that, but I need the money. You gotta take the appointments when they come, because otherwise, there is some sort of karma that operates and you don't get any appointments for like three days. I have to say, it's a bit annoying to be dependent on clients but the thing is, there is no perfect job. You always are somewhat dependent of the market, or the clients, or your boss, or something. I had normal jobs before and I was only more mistreated and more exploited.
19 May 2021
I got a regular job! Finally a little steady income, and now the escorting becomes a bonus. That's good! Now on another level, I've been hiding something from you guys. I wish I could have talked about it earlier, but I wanted to talk about someone in particular, and there was no way he would read this and not know it was him. But basically, my most frequent client in Montreal was a very nice person, to whom I truely wish the best, who also had tremendous emotial needs. And since I am fascintated by psychology in general, and because I don't like to see other people suffer, because I've been on this self-help journey for years, and because I could not afford to lose his business, I basically felt compelled to answer his texts even when it had nothing to do with appointments. And it was pretty much daily. Where I felt like it was becoming unhealthy, was that I could not say if I disagreed, I could not not answer because then I would get sad emojis and more texts like "I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you", I could not challenge him in any way or propose solutions because otherwise I would get answers like "I know", I could not say that I was busy, because then I would get "Oh... ok". And another thing that was a little disturbing was that the person basically insisted on multiple occasions that he didn't like the word "client" and that he saw himself more like a "friend", because he gets to know me as well, and like I said, I cannot disagree without losing his business. But I mean, what I sell is my time. If you consume my energy and my time almost everyday while only paying for one hour every two weeks, it's not fair to me, and I've been more than clear on this blog about my financial situation. Oh, have I said that this has been going on for SIX MONTHS?????? Almost everyday, I wanted to talk about it in the blog, I wanted to say that one client was consuming a little more than he was paying for, and it was hard for me to put my limits, and I had a phase where I would litterally watch videos about HIS situation so I could understand HIS situation and give sound advice. But it became pretty clear that he did not want advice. I also felt like I could not point out contradictions in what he said, and I could not tell him if he repeated himself, without losing his business. So basically today was the stroke that broke the camel's back, and I told him that I had been extremely generous of my time, and one thing he could do to show me his appreciation, since he doesn't tip me, would be to not take me for an idiot. Yeah, there's no coming back from that. That's classic Kimmy right there, I've been trying to swallow it for SIX MONTHS, but I just can't swallow that much. That's probably why I don't have a man. Anyway so he cancelled his appointment of course, and I don't think I'll see him again. Now, I totally believe 100% that this person's pain is real, and I've suffered in my life and I know what it feels like to be in pain, but that person was abusing of my time and my patience. I'm sorry, I wish I had a magic wand to heal and solve everything, but I don't.
20 May 2021
I got my first shot of the vaccine today, I would have rather not have it, but my employer left me no choice. Oh well. I'm glad I'm not just sitting and waiting after clients all day. On Tuesday, somebody sent a deposit to book, but then he cancelled. When he wanted to book again, I told him he had to send another deposit because when you cancel you lose your deposit, and now he won't book. Here's a suggestion : stick to the appointment that you book. I mean, this is a business, what the fuck do people think it is ? I wish I was dealing with adults, not four years old.
21 May 2021
I've been working all day, and then working out. I'm exhausted... Off to bed!
22 May 2021
When I have to work early, I stress about not being able to sleep. I had terrible insomnia last night. I don't feel like myself. I got an online consultation with a doctor and I got prescribed some sleep medication. I forgot the name; my friend says she takes seroquel and risperdal to sleep and manage her anxiety and it works very well. The doctor was saying all the usual bs like don't drink coffee in the afternoon and don't work out at night. It's like she ignores that some people are nocturnal, or she believes that it is possible or desirable to change your internal clock just because you have a daytime job. Maybe I don't wanna rearrange my entire life, maybe I just want fuckin pills to sleep. I should have recorded the conversation so I could relisten to it and really give it some thought. She said she prescribed me the lowest dose, which worries me, because I was 100% clear that I go from sleeping like a baby (with some melatonin) to total insomnia overnight. She asked me to keep a sleep diary, and we have a follow-up appointment in two weeks. That was actually the most interesting thing she said. I think I should go to bed now, if I go work out, I'm gonna end up laying down at sunrise again. I wanted to shoot some content for onlyfans on the rooftop, but I swear I'll shoot it tomorrow after the play.
23 May 2021
Sleep diary for the doctor : I went to ben around 12:30 am, which is early to me. I took one maximum strengh melatonin and fell asleep right away. I had some nightare that I don't really remember. Then, I woke up around 10:30 am and I was feeling rested and ready to take on the day.
The play was a little bit under my expectations, but I'm glad I went. I got my sleeping medication, it's called zopiclone. I'm gonna try it tomorrow. I'm gonna try to film the content for my onlyfans on the rooftop, let's just hope it's not too windy!
24 May 2021
Sleep diary : I had another nightmare, something about women killing people or something but it's vague. I had a little trouble falling asleep even though I was tired and I took melatonin.
So last night I shot content on the rooftop, it was a bit chilly, but anything for my fans. I'm also a bit worried that people can see me from afar since I use a spot light but it doesn't really matter. I had booked a client last week but I had to cancel because he was playing games. He payed to talk on the phone for 15 min because he wanted to introduce himself... It took 48 min for his payment to come though and he says it's always like that because of his bank. It's like, if your bank always takes 48min to send a deposit you KNOW you're wasting my time. He blabbered drunkenly for 15 min and when I politely hung up, he texted "how you hung up...I almost rather loose the 20 than schedule time". It's like dude, we agreed on 15 minutes, and I had to wait 48 fuckin minutes more for the goddamn payment, and it is now 1:37 am. I've been more than patient. He even asked if he could stay 10 minutes after his appointment was over so he could explain me how to make more money. Dude, if I wanna make more money, I can't let drunk dillusionals rob me of my time. You know, I'm an escort, and I enjoy having sex for money, but the fuckin insecure sticky bastards that project all their childhood trauma onto me, and try to manipulate me, I just can't fuck with that.
Some clients from Ottawa texted, I miss them, I wanna go there, since I still have my Ontario cards I can pretend my main residence is still there, it's just that now I work Tuesday to Friday and one Saturday out of two, but I have to go there on the weekdays because Sundays are shitty, so that leaves Monday, and maybe Saturday at some point. So yeah, I'll probably book a trip there on a Monday or something. It's just a lot of expenses and right now I don't have enough to pay for the trip. It's a shame, in Ontario I had money but no personal life, now I have a personal life, but no money. I don't know which one is best. I'm pretty sure having money was better. I don't know... Last time I went there, a client said he would reimburse me the airbnb, but he started texting me all day everyday sexual things about me fucking him in the ass with a strap on so I ended up blocking him and paying for the trip myself. The sugar daddy stuff is profoundly unhealthy in my opinion, the guys who do that have issues, they turn something very simple, sex for money, into something murky and unstable. I guard my mental health because I worked so hard to save myself from anxiety and depression, I can't let sick people bring me back there.
10:15 pm I took the zopiclone, I have a bad taste in my throat, similar to the cocaine drip. I was vacuumin with my new Pet Hair Eraser (and I love that thing right away), but I had to stop because I'm feelling wobbly. I'll try and do 200 sit ups and go to bed.
25 May 2021
Sleep diary : Much better than last time, although I had to take a maletonin because I was getting fidgety around 1 am. I slept I think from 2 am to 5:15, and remained half asleep until my alarm rang at 6. No dreams.
I just came back from work and I am drained. Before I go to bed I gotta : fill out some paperwork, take off my make up, do 250 reverse crunches, start a cold brew... I don't think I'm awake enough to meal prep.
26 May 2021
Sleep diary : no trouble falling asleep, I think i slept from midnight to seven something, no dreams, I was cold when I woke up.
Other than that, my rent is due soon, I don't have it, my access to my account to ask for a government subvention is blocked although I have all the passwords and correct answers, I think I'll have to borrow money from my dad or something. So thanks for nothing, guys.
27 May 2021
Sleep diary : no trouble fallinf asleep ( I was exhausted after 10 a hour shift), but I was groggy waking up. The taste in my mouth is really gross.
28 May 2021
Sleep diary : I was super groggy when I arrived at work today, so much so that my boss noticed. Now it's 7 pm and I am completely drained, I'm about to smoke a blunt and go to bed. At least I don't work until Tuesday. I was so busy that I forgot to post on my onlyfans on the 26th, so I scheduled a bunch of posts until like the 30th. This weekend my plan is to work out and shoot some content.
29 May 2021
Sleep diary : I wasn't working today, so I only took a melatonin last night an I woke up a few times during the night, but I still slept 8 hours.
30 May 2021
Sleep diary : I had a little party at my place last night, and I took a melatonin and slept like a baby. No dreams.
Gosh what a fucked up night. I was desperate to make my rent and I absolutely needed 400$, so I decided not to ask for deposits this weekend. I was fortunate enough to have 2 clients, but tonight, I was minding my business, about to do my night workout, when a client booked. I didn't ask for a deposit, he told me he would be there in 15 minutes, asked me to wear a tight dress, I told him I could change after he paid me, and then after 18 minutes he asked if I smoked, and when I told him it's been 18 minutes he said it would take 10 minutes more because he had to go to the bank. Thats when I blocked him because he was obviously fucking with me. Then, right away, another number called, said he would be there in 15 minutes, and then called for the address. Like 5 minutes after I gave him, he says "I'll wait 1 more min". I answer "are you there? coming" and got to the front door right away, but there was no one. I texted "hello? can you go to the front door?", he never answered, nobody came at the door. I also called, opened the door and said "hello?" and there was just no one. I don't understand why someone would get to a building and not tell the person they have arrived. Maybe he never came, maybe it's just a trick to get my address. Or maybe it's the same dude that I blocked. Anyway it's a shame, I wasted an hour of my night over this, when I should have been working out and eating clean. Now I'm too fuckin exhausted, and it's late, I have to go to bed early so I'm able to wake up early during the week. It could have been a great night at home but it turned out like shit. Man I'm so fucking tired of always the same fuckin shit happening. At least I have enough to pay my rent. But yeah, to all those bitches wasting my fucking time and stealing my patience : fuuuuuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuuuuuu.
31 May 2021
Sleep diary: I took melatonin last night, fell asleep great, but I woke up early and now it's mid afternoon and I'm exhausted. So quick work out, quick meal prep, and bed. This fuckin douchebag just kept me on the phone for 32 fucking minutes to finally tell me he'll call me later. I blocked his ass, now let me warn you guys : do not fuck with me. Now, I'm turning my phone off, this is bullshit, I gotta work out and take care of my mental health, I will not let you guys fuck with me like that.
2 June 2021
Last night, I played great at hockey and I did my firt one-handed cartwheel! What a great day! It's a shame I missed a client though...
6 June 2021
Sorry for the absence. I was working my ass off. Last night I went to bed at like 10. I had a horrible nightmare, that I was hosting clients in my parent's basement, and I was eating noodles on my bed in front of a client (I hate eating in bed) and my noodles were moving by themselves. I looked closely and I realized there were caterpillars in my food!
I was glad to have an appointment this morning at 10 (no deposit because no one will pay a deposit), then the guy calls at 9 to say he has arrived, but he has trouble finding a parking, but his phone doesn't get pictures, so I can't send him the parking map. I tell him that his appointment was at 10 and I have 35 minutes of makeup to do and it is an essential step that I will not skip. He tries to say it's okay he likes simplicity, but I say I absolutely need to prepare fully (because I had a mole removed and I absolutely have to conceal it with foundation because it's not fully healed yet), and then he cancels because "it's too complicated". Man, it's complicated for me, not you! The only thing you have to fucking do is show up on time. Yous asked me when was my earliest availibility and I said 10. I'm the one paying for the place, I'm the one paying to post the ads, I'm the one buying the condoms, the lube, the wipes, I'm the one hair removing, I'm the one getting a mole removed to look better, I'm the one doing my makeup for 35 minutes, and you complain that it's too complicated foy YOU?
I'm like, the clients don't wanna be rushed, but they wanna be aloud to show up late, to show up early, to stay longer, to not send a deposit. I'm like, that's what they pay for: the absence of reciprocity. If only being a hooker was only getting paid to have sex, I could do it all day everyday. But 90% of my time consists in getting ready for other people, cleaning for other people, shopping for other people, texting endlessly mostly to be made fun of... I'm kind of glad I have a normal job now, it uses my brain and my time differently. Although it's hard as a motherfucker. Not that I hate escorting, it has a lot of upsides, but it's the fact of always cutting myself from what I need to suit the needs of other people that gets heavy.
8 June 2021
I got my follow up appointment with the doctor about zopiclone, I summerized my sleep diary for her and we decided that the dosage was okay for me.
This weekend was pretty much altering between the rooftop pool and gym. I was supposed to shoot some content with a guy on Sunday, but he didnt show up. But tonight I invited a friend to swim and we ended up doing it in the gym and filming it. Right after I got a booking for midnight, he was a very nice film maker who gave an awesome butt massage and we had anal and vaginal sex. I think I came. What a great night!
11 June 2021
Sorry for being not there as much, I've been work work work work, workin on my shit.... Jokes aside, really I'm working as hell, I just finished my day job, and then got back home and did dome volunteer work and then back to work I have to get up in 4 hours. Wish me luck!
15 June 2021
Hey guys, it's been a few days, sorry about that. Today was quite productive, it was my day off so I worked out, meditated, created some new content for my onlyfans, talked on the phone with my boss, run errands, meal prep... My landlord was supposed to come over to help me with my onlyfans, but he cancelled. He then tried to bring the whatsapp conversation to a flirty point but I didn't follow. I was also supposed to shoot some content on Saturday night, but the dude also didn't show up. I'm absolutely not mad, I was expecting it and prepared mentally, I'm just telling to the people who feel like they are struggling in their sexual life, I am too. And that's okay. So I went on to shooting content by myself, and I ended up putting a lollipop in my anus and it immediately made me wanna crap. When I was done shooting and pulled the lollipop out, red melted sugar poured out of my ass. So yeah, we all make sacrifices for our fans. Anyway, I was about to hit the gym once more and go to bed. Have a good night!
26 June 2021
Welcome back! Sorry for the wait, I was busy as hell with my 3 jobs. I had a crazy dream last night, I was in this gorgeous hotel with like 4 wings that converged to a huge pool in the middle. There were exotic plants all around the lobby and even a blue macaw. Then, I met a handsome guy in the pool, we started making out, and this girl started chating us up and made me touch her pussy to show me how wet she was. Then I went to my room to change, and when I came back, of course, they were both gone. It bothered me slightly, but not tremendously, but I knew going upstairs that this was gonna happen, and then I woke up. I'm glad it was a dream. I've been having sex dreams because I'm so busy and stressed, that I don't get horny anymore and I don't have any sexual activity, not even solo outside of clients and my onlyfans. Speaking of which, on Wednesday, I was supposed to have an onlyfans date, but he cancelled (to go on a date with someone else) pretexting he does not like feeling like a number and he want something more. I feel like he's trying to place himself above me, but I don't give a shit, his social media is far from impressive. He's been on a date with my friend (we met him together) who has been drinking worrying amounts lately and who's been through painful emotional issues, and who has been using her relationship with men as a crutch, not able to realize that it's only hurting her more. It's a sad situation. Fuck him. Personnaly, what helped me heal my problematic relationships with men, was escorting independently and achieving financial stability on my own. It gave me the funds necessary to realize some of my dreams, and make plans for future projects. It hurts me to see her in that situation because I was there, and I remember how destructive it was, and there is a true possibility that alcohol kills her or disables her before she gets better.
4 July 2021
I dreamed I had sex with this hot redhead guy, but when I said I wanted to go again, he said he had to go to work and I had to leave and I was disappointed. Lol, I don't know what it means. But I can tell my sexual side is expressing itself in my dreams because it's not happening when I'm awake. I'm fine with that, my dreams are less disappointing than real life. I'm going to Ottawa on July 11, I hope I'm gonna see my old clients, because it is hella boring here in Montreal.
12 July 2021
It has s great weekend, slept in an airbnb last night, It was clean and private to book clients, but at night, sounds came out and the mattress smelled weird and it didnt blend too well wih facial cream. I didn't have the best sleep, but it was great to see familiar faces and experience some of my old hangouts. I already booked my next trip for July 25!
18 July 2021
Last night I dreamed I wanted to fuck this guy and he was basically telling me to leave lol. Then I dreamed I was about to fuck another guy (or the same, I don't really know) and I had trouble breathing, like I had massive allergies that were clogging my nose. Then I woke up, and I could breathe better, but I still changed the filter of my ventilation system and opened the window. It was really weird, it's like I was trying to breathe and there was not enough oxygen getting in, it made me feel claustrophobic. I missed an online appointment last night because I was so tired I didn't look at my phone early enough. I hate missing clients. Plus, I like him and I havn't seen him in a long time. Anyway I'm so exhausetd and focused on my work that I don't even wanna hang out with my friends anymore, it just feels like lost time that I could be using to work out.
24 July 2021
I'm coming to Ottawa tomorrow! Can't wait to see you babes! I'm actually looking at moving back pretty soon...
1 August 2021
My trip to Ottawa went well, thank you. Speaking of which, I'm moving back October 31! I missed you too much babes! Last night I had the craziest dream, I was travelling I think to Martinique with my friends, and we kept going to restaurants to eat animals penis soup! It was so gross, but I kept eating it. Two weeks ago, I watched a show on Netflix where this happens: Restaurants on the Edge - Hong Kong. It was so disgusting! I have no idea why I would dream of that, and it was such a heavy sleep, I was groggy for hours after I woke up. Since I got my daytime job, my insomnia has worsened, and I got accustomed to Zopiclone, although the doctor said it was not addictive. After trying another medication, I decided to go back to sleep aids and extra strong melatonin only, and after a period of withdrawal when my axiety became worse and I would get palpitaitons, I feel fine now. But I can't wait to go back to my old life, this lifestyle is killing me. Yes, I am gonna miss the condo, and the old port, but the income decrease is too much. I met a great client on Friday, he's the first guy I ever decided to pay to be on my Onlyfans. Now are we actually gonna shoot it? I don't know, men tend to get cold feet, but I'm trying. Anyway, he came over on Friday, and he had a few issues with his boner, so I ended up trying different things, and we spontaneously ended up doing a buch of things, like in a James Deen movie. There was ass licking, feet licking... I think I came twice, and I felt lightheaded and physically relaxed afterwards. Truely a great moment. I wish it was like that more often.
8 August 2021
I'm sorry guys, I have a medical appointment tomorrow, and I've been suffering from insomnia all week, and the Airbnb I rented seems extremely opposed to unregistered guests and rolling weed inside, so I came to the decision to cancel my Ottawa trip tomorrow. I'm sorry guys, love you, but I'm moving back soon.
29 August 2021
I've been preparing my move to Ottawa. It's a little bit stressful, but hopefully, after I move, I can go back to my laid back lifestyle. I've been working my ass off, day job, night job, online job, and I am just exhausted. I've been going back to the gym, because I can't let my schedule and my financial situation get in the way of my physical health. Actually, it is getting in the way of my physical health, I asked for less hours at my day job, because I've been getting a bunch of different symptoms like headdache, nausea, skin rash... I'm so goddamn exhausted I just want to be back in Ottawa and chill. I've been working hard on my onlyfans but there must be something missing, because I havn't reached 50 fans yet. Don't hesitate to text any ideas you have, you never know, it might be a great idea. Someone asked if I had a bloopers section, and now I have one and people like it! It was funny, last night, I dreamt this guy was coming to sleep over, and he brought I girl I had never met with him, and after trying to keep it cool for a while I grabbed something like a baguette of bread, or a cucumber or something and I started threatening both of them with it shouting "get out! Get the fuck out!!" Ha ha ha... I guess I had a tiny little bit of resentment because last night, this guy told me he was going to come over after a party but when I woke up, he hadn't texted. I'm not mad, at my age I can recognize that some people really like to party and take drugs, and when someone is in love with a substance, they will never chose you over the substance. It's fine, I accept it. At least I know why. Now I'm gonna go smoke a blunt at the yacht club before I hit the gym. November 1st, I'll be back in Ottawa guys!
2 September 2021
Not too long ago, I had a client who I believe might have been a sadist. He was a very nice, good looking young guy, but he had a little trouble getting up because of the MDMA (it was late at night and that's what the night shift is like) and he seemed to become harder only when I was in pain. Escorting is a delicate job, people don't really tell you what they like, and you have to feel it as the session goes. Some people are into feet, others into age play, others like being dominant... Of course not telling me beforehand avoids discussing the price. It's tricky, I have to find a balance between leaving a trail of satisfied customers behind me, but also respecting my boundaries and making sure I am being paid fairly for my work.
6 September 2021
I saw a guy that I used to screw years ago today. I hadn't seen him in six years. We met online, at first it was a one-night stand, then we became fuckbuddies, and then we became friends. We saw each other quite regularly for like two or three years. He lives in Toronto, he happened to visit Montreal for his brother's bachelor party. Honestly, his flaws have become far worse. He was always a bit taciturn, but now he is straight up negative, he says no to everything, he doesn't wanna do anything, he has absolutely nothing to say, he doesn't ever smile, and he just wants to lay down and watch tv. I'm so glad we didn't date. He just watches his life pass him by without an attempt at living it. I was glad when he left and no, we didn't have sex, thank god. Honestly why did he even contact me with that shitty attitude? He can stay the fuck wherever he is, he was litterally killing my vibe. What a fuckin loser.
13 September 2021
I posted my first Q&A yesterday, and I am also doing a swimsuit haul on my Onlyfans. I'm trying new things because I lost a lot of fans recently. I bought some furniture for my place in Ottawa, can't wait to move, I am so excited to be with you guys again. Love you!
14 September 2021
I'm not posting today because it couldn't be more pointless, I'm just gonna count the days until I am back in Ottawa and let me tell you, it is not coming fast enough.
16 September 2021
I think I'm a little depressed. I haven't been feeling beautiful lately, and I don't enjoy doing much. I also gained a tiny bit of weight. I'm gonna push through and keep going, but I don't know what's wrong. Or maybe the world has so many flaws that I can't act like everything is fine anymore. Anyway I'm off to go buy some milk and then yoga on the rooftop, maybe that'll help.
17 September 2021
I was supposed to have an appointment today at 2, he didn't show up, fuck you, whoever you are. I refused to book someone last night because he wouldn't send a deposit. Was I right? Was I wrong? I don't have a fuckin clue, every text I get is jack in the box. It could be a client, or a no show, or a rapist, or a serial killer, or a sexual deviant, I don't fuckin know. I'm getting pretty exhausted of always not knowing. Other than that I had a date, he showed up after midnight, we had sex for like 10 minutes, then he was off to bed, I had insomnia all night, and then by 9:30 he ¨had to go.¨ I guess you could say it was not great. Yeah so shitty shitty all over, but I'm not pissed, I'm not sad, I just feel this unshakable numbness. At least I can go eat a beavertail by the marina.
19 September 2021
I bought may too much stuff at Victoria's Secret today. My shopping addiction is out of control. I tend to spend more when I'm the brokest. At least I have 3 months to exchange, I'm gonna try everything at home and take at least half of the stuff back. On another note, this guy I had a couple of dates with told me the other day that he couldn't stay for breakfast because he had to go get his mail. So I'm thinking he is a serial killer and he had to go feed the girls in his basement, or he's an addict, or he has a girlfriend, or a wife and kids. I'm gonna prepare myself mentally and delete his number. So to any of you out there who thinks that it's easier for women, no, it fuckin isn't. Can't believe I bought him a Starbucks.
26 September 2021
So I wanted to work yesterday after my day job, but after I posted and got no serious inquieries, I accepted to hang out with a few people. We had fun, partied a bit, but then, we ended up going to somebody else's appartment in the Plateau. I left maybe half an hour after we arrived, because those people were not the kind of people I hang out with. This girl passed out, and her boyfriend was not strong enough to pick her up, so he dropped her and banged her head super hard against a shelf. This is not the life I wanna live, I want to have a regular stream of clients and actually have better things to do than hang out with fuckheads. I wanna buy weed by the pound like I used to. There are so many things I miss about my old life. I think I'm gonna start going to yoga again and maybe badminton as well. What can I say, I prefer staying home, eating healthy and making money than partying. I know what's gonna happen to me if I party too much; I'm gonna become fat and pathetic just like the poor girl from yesterday! I also had a weird dream the other day. I was taking care of a kitten, then I put it outside in a tree next to a pound, but soon after I got worried he would fall into the pound and drown, so I started looking for him outside, but there were so many cats, and some of them looked similar, so I couldn't figure out which one it was. What do you think it means?
28 September 2021
I have bad news: I got a mail from Onlyfans and they removed the video of me fucking myself with a popsicle, I'm super dissappointed about that, they removed the link to my website, and they give me two days to either ID everybody on my page, or remove every content of anyone who does not have their own Onlyfans. It sucks. I'm gonna have to remove a lot of stuff. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.
1 October 2021
I had a very nice client from New York this afternoon, he made me come and we had a great time. I hope I get more clients like that very soon. Also a good client from Ottawa texted and he said he might make the trip here because he can't wait till I move! So flattering... He's more than welcome.
4 October 2021
I tried apple bread today and it was soooooo gooood! I fell in love. My client from Ottawa is probably coming tomorrow. I'm gonna have to cancel my reservation for the comedy show, which sucks, but if you wanna succeed you gotta put in the work.
5 October 2021
So today two clients and a date cancelled on me, but I went to a dark comedy soirée and it was dope. I hung out with the bartender and the host, and it is definitely the best comedy night in Montreal. I didn't drink too much, I'm proud of myself. I don't know why, but I keep thinking about when I first moved to Ottawa, I was so lonely, and I was heartbroken as well. It was so tough I believe I had depression for eleven months. And I ended up starting my own business and doing great in school and great financially. Ottawa became a place where I felt at home. I hope life will be okay.
11 October 2021
My energy level has been so low these last couple of weeks, I don't know if it's the season change or what I eat, or the stress, but I am tired pretty often. I feel a little bit like shit tonight. Someone I met at Terrasses Bonsecours a little over a year ago asked me out today, he said we could go for a drink, or a walk, or a movie, or anything I wanted, and that sounds real nice, but the thing was, the time that we met, at some point during the night (not the whole night), he grabbed my ass or something, and I told him to stop and he didn't, I had to move further so he would stop I think (the memories are foggy in my brain because of alcohol). So of course I would enjoy having someone to hang out with. But I am afraid he has expectations and I have to manage his expectations. So I said "no thank you" without any more explanation, but I feel it was a little blunt. But if I tell him my reservations, he's gonna argue that he didn't do that and I don't wanna have that conversation. But I feel a little guilty, because that night I passed out and he brought me home and he avoided me to spend the night in the drunk tank. So I kinda feel like I owe him something, but that's the point: I don't want to owe him something. If I don't give him a little something something, then will that make me an asshole? I always say, don't accept something from a man that you can't pay for yourself, but the truth is, right now, I cannot afford to go out, like at all. It fucking sucks. I just walked by this beautiful bar that was playing old school SnoopDogg, Venice Vieux-Port, and I would have loved to go, but I was alone, I was not wearing make up, I was dressed like shit, and I'm broke. Did I miss an opportunity? Will I spend the rest of my life completely lonely? I feel a little bit defeated about not being able to dominate the escort game in Montreal. Yeah, I have a lot on my mind. What I wanna do? Go back to the Caribbean. It's the only thing that turns me on. Oh, and I discovered my landlady didn't have the right to raise my rent before 2022, but she did anyway, I already booked the movers, I have nowhere else to go, it's still a good price for the market, and she used to feed my cats when I was gone. Not to mention, I run an escort business from her place. It's not nothing. On a more positive note, I will be volunteering at a cat adoption center. I'm super hyped about that.
12 October 2021
I baked my first croissant bread pudding today, it was quite tasty, but a little too buttery for my taste.
16 October 2021
I had a pap smear and the nurse said my cervix looked great! It was the first time I could observe it on the monitor! It looks like a doughnut! I forgot my phone at the clinic, but they were nice enough to give it back to me. I also developped metatarsalgia from working out so much. After a night of sleep I'm okay, but all day yesterday I felt a shooting pain in my left foot and ankle.
17 Novemebr 2021
I am bored senseless today. I wiiiish I had a nice client to go in the hot tub with and have sex but noooooooo. I guess I'm gonna work out as much as my metatarsalgia allows me, wax and go to sleep. I just realized that the guy I've been fucking from time to time might like it better if I let my sassier, more dominant side come out. I think he enjoys being a bit of a man toy. That's hot, I might be able to pull it off. I tend to become over adaptative or I tend to idealise the guys I like; I can't let that happen again.
18 October 2021
Something weird happened this morning, a client booked last night for 10 am, he also wanted to record on his phone, which was a red flag. I asked for a deposit to make sure I was not getting up early and doing my makeup for nothing. He sent the deposit, and I told him we would see about recording. He confirmed at 9 am, and then never showed up. Why would someone send a deposit and confirm for then not show up? Some french dude also kept me on the phone today asking a shit load of questions, so I asked for a deposit before answering some more, which never came, so I blocked his ass. I really need a vacation.
22 October 2021
Some piece of shit (438 320 8429) kept me on the phone for 20 minutes asking a million questions and then shit in my hands. I'm fuckin mad, all the advertising I did this week only attracted weirdos. No appointments, just phone bullshit. That's the part of my job that I hate. So I won't advertise for the rest of my time here, better keep my money, because advertising is not cheap. I am so glad to go back to my old clients, I miss them so much.
8 November 2021
Oh my god, I neglected you guys! Here's a catch up: I threw a Halloween party on October 29, it was glorious, I moved back to Ottawa, my neighbours welcomed me very well, I also reunited with my clients, I feel right at home. My place is not 100% perfect, but it's a work in progress.
9 November 2021
I did the mistake to book someone that I didn't know without a deposit, and I ended up giving the address to someone who did not show up, but who has the address. I can only pray it's not a serial killer, and from now on, strict policy of booking only people I know. All those other bitches can suck my dick. God my life is hard.
10 November 2021
Last night, I recorded a weed critic for my Onlyfans, and I also recorded a sex critic, I can't wait to hear the feedback! I also subscribed to kettlebell workout, my neighbour says it's great! I also had a dream that I was having a threesome with a guy and a girl, but I became so jealous because he started going down on her before I did. Lol, I think it means I'm hungry for some female attention.
13 November 2021
I guess I'm horny because I used my vibrator too much and now my pussy is sore!
17 November 2021
I volunteered at the cat shelter today, it was so much fun to spend time with them. Now, for those who miss seeing me get fucked on Onlyfans, I am working on it. I wanted to give a try to the snapchat premium thing, but the problem is, you can't keep people form taking screenshots on snapchat. Which means, I might have to find someone who agrees to Onlyfan's policy about ID and written consent. Working on it...
21 November 2021
Today was so hot, a client I haven't seen in a long time came over, we had very passionate sex and he inserted my dildo and his dick at the same time. It was so good, I became super wet.
22 November 2021
I feel absolutely disgusting today, I gained weight, I can't even look at myself right now. I had some alcohol, some bread and some fried calamari over the weekend and now it's bitting me in the ass. I also have a weird rash in my ass because I rub too much with baby wipes. You know those days when you feel like an absolute loser? Here I am. I'm going to work out in an hour, I hope I'll feel better after.
23 November 2021
I had a super weird dream last night, it was the last day of high school, we were celebrating in this gorgeous pool, but on my way out I forgot to say goodbye to Mrs Painchaud and I was feeling guilty and disappointed in myself. Then, I was in Vegas, and I met this very nice young stripper who was telling me how to really make more money and how my previous approach was wrong. Now, in real life, I was planning a trip with a friend to the Hedonism resort in Jamaica for January, but when I pressed him to make the reservation, he told me that he can't pay for it right now because he is still paying his last trip. Then I got pissed and I told him that I am not interested in waiting after a guy or being told bullshit by a guy. I've been there just too many fuckin times. With men it's always "no I'm tired", "no, I'm broke", "no I don't want to", "no, later"... I ain't waiting for shit I'll go on a trip by my goddamn self like I always do, he can suck my dick.
30 November 2021
I was out of town because it was my birthday, my mom threw me a feast and invited a bunch of people over, it was so much fun! I had a weird dream again, I was working in an escort agency in Quebec, it had a bunch of rooms and rugs everywhere, and a backyard overlooking the river. There was also a cage in the living room, made of thin black bars, with a little stool in it, for role play. The previous night I had an awful nightmare about rescuing cats in need, and in my dream it was so cold and sad I can still feel it at night. Appearently, dreams are not so much our subconscious speaking to our mind, but more like an illustration of how we think. Other than that, I am doing great, I've been spending time with clients having a wonderful time.
6 December 2021
I had a horrible dream last night. I was working in a escort agency, the owner paid me to have sex with him, but he was drooling this thick disgusting saliva and I was absolutely creeped out and then I woke up.
8 December 2021
I just bought a ticket for Nightwish! I was my favorite band when I was a teen! I'm so excited. I used my vibrator too much once again, and my pussy is sore! And swollen. My neighbor texted me that if I wanted him to go down on me he was up for it. It's flattering, but he's not really my type, and the other neighbor is in love with him and she is super heartbroken.
9 December 2021
I thought today I would tell you about my first time in a full service massage parlour, which is what lead me to escorting. Basically, I had been working for two and a half years in the beauty industry, my boss was mean to me, and I decided I wanted out, but I was broke. I ended up calling at a massage parlour and scheduling an appointment for an interview. When I arrived, the manager was sleeping, so I was told to wait for her in a room on a couch. She woke up after about two hours, and we talked about my experience in parlours. I had some experience working at Ooh Paris and Octopussy in Montreal, which were hand jobs only. She knew the owner and we agreed he was crazy, and was using the girls for his sexual gratification. She then told me to go downtown to work at her other location in Griffintown. I just wanted to make money so I got there, there were two other girls working there, but it was QUIET. I stayed for hours, trying to advertise online and looking for another place to work. I scheduled an interview with another massage parlour located at Guy and Maisonneuve. At the very end of my shift, a man arrived and picked me for the massage. He gave me 150$ and we had anal sex. Everything went smoothly, and 150$ was feeling like a lot of help after being so broke. Right after I headed to my other interview, Griffintown was not for me. The massage parlour was in a residential building, it was full service, and the manager was respectful, meaning he didn't hit on me. We agreed that I would start the next day I think and that's how I started escorting, and soon after that I became independent.
10 December 2021
I'm so fuckin disappointed, I posted this morning and tonight (10$), no appointment, and then at 12:37 am, someone I know wanted an appointment but I missed it becauseI was sleeping! It fuckin sucks!
12 December 2021
I missed another client I know, which sucks, but he texted at like 4:40 am. I can't say I really feel bad about that one...
14 December 2021
I had a vision of the future when I was high. It was a world where the concept of couple and family did not exist anymore, and everybody would put their genetics/health information in this massive database, and people could browse each other's info before choosing a genitor. But the access wouldn't be free, people would have to send a access demand through the database, and each party would have to agree on a fee, and a certain percentage of which would go to the database. Everybody would be their own family unit, and business unit as well. Does that sound realistic?
15 December 2021
I spent another day volunteering at the cat shelter and once again I had a blast! There was a new litter of three kittens and their mom, I just wanted to bring them all home with me.
16 December 2021
I had this very long dream about a serial killer, we had to catch him, run away from him, I was suspecting my roommate to be the killer, I took his rabbit away from him because I was afraid he might mistreat the rabbit. The client who mentionned having a knife really fucked me up. I'm getting an alarm system and cameras installed very soon, I understand that people like privacy, but I need to protect myself.
17 December 2021
I just had one of my regulars over, things got hot! He is a natural dominant, I started orgasming while we had anal sex and I was touching myself, then he finished so I inserted a dildo in my pussy and I kept coming, and then he touched me while I was riding the dildo while I was jerking him, and I was still coming! It was very fun.
22 December 2021
Another weird dream. There was two girls having sex on my bed in front of me, and I had to sneak them out of the house so my mom wouldn't see them.
23 December 2021
I got my alarm system and cameras installed today (I can totally unplug them when I have a client over). It feels a bit safer. I'm really not feeling the Christmas vibe with this covid situation. Today I decided to expose a guy I've known for years for being a toxic narcissist and a mooch. It was not an easy decision. but for years this guy had been mooching my weed, being absolutely ungrateful about it, and using every opportunity to make me feel like shit. I tried to solve this privately more than a year ago, but he only became bitchier and sneakier. I wanted to let everybody know not to invite me somewhere he might be. It sucks, and it will probably make me lose some invites and possibly some friendships, but maybe it's for the best. Oh, and I think I had a mild allergic reaction last night, one of my eyes was swollen and the inside of my ears was red and itchy. I forgot to buy benadryl today...
30 December 2021
A client was dissatisfied with my service today. It hadn't happened in a long time, and it always sucks when it happens. I would rather leave a trail of happy customers behind me. I feel sorry that he spent his money for nothing, but sometimes people have a different vision of sexuality. I also contacted an artist online to create a logo, that I'm gonna put on t-shirts! It's gonna be a cartoon/pinup based on a real picture of me. I'm so excited to see the sketch!
31 December 2021
I had a horrible dream that I was carrying a baby monkey in a belt bag and when I put my hand in, he was all dehydrated and dead. I then went to the vet who sold it to me and kept asking "why did I have to carry it in a belt bag?" I was so sad. I also dreamed that I was shooting a music video with my friends, and two people stole weed inside of my bag and used my bag as a blanket to have sex on. I was so mad I wanted to fuck them up. I fuckin hate new year's eve, I always did. I really fuckin need a vacation. Shout out to the two clients who came to see me and make me some money, you guys made it totally worth it to stay at home!
3 January 2022
I saw a plastician today who told me that the hypopigmentation and skin thinning I suffered after the C02 laser was likely irreversible. Six months from now, I might be able to try fillers and microneedling to better it, but it'll never be the same. What a horrible fuckin mistake. I started watching this Youtube channel, Breeny Lee, and she makes so many good points about toxic mothers, the hoe phase... It's very enlightning.
7 January 2022
I've been trying to get ahold of the slight seasonnal depression that I've been feeling. Since yesterday, I sent a few resumes, because I want a normal job, and I also started working out again and waking up earlier. I decided to sue the doctor who botched my face, and I found a lawyer. I made a little bit of money today, which always put me in a good mood, and I created some brand new content for my Onlyfans. I'm also gonna translate a profile for a shelter dog tonight. All in all a pretty good day. I like Fridays. Oh, and there's a guy from Turkey who asked to stay over on Couchsurfing, at first I said yes, but then I saw he had zero reviews although he said he's been doing that for a long time, and he listed "knives" as one of his interests. You know how I feel about knives... So basically I said I had covid... I feel sorry for the guy, but I live alone, if someone is going to kill me, no one will come save me.
9 January 2022
I opened an account on a website to sell used underwear... But I also have an interview tomorrow, so it's not like I'm putting all my eggs in one basket! If you wanna check it out, it's Kimmy Baby on All Things Worn.
14 January 2022
Today was the best day I had in a while. A new client from the military showed up with a bouquet of lillies and some Côtes du Rhône! And I had an orgasm! What a great day!
I feel super relaxed, and I'm working on my tattoo tomorrow, which is exciting.
16 January 2022
I went to Montreal this weekend to get my tattoo continued, it is now about 95% done. I'm excited. It is now so cold, my water was not warm enough to shower, so I only washed my hair. Tomorrow I'm starting my new job, but I managed to finish early so I still have time to see clients! I believe you can't have too many jobs. I was doing good with the dieting and the working out, but I started having massive pain in my back when I wake up in the morning, I believe I have degenerative disc disease... My logo is almost done, it's really good, it actually looks like me. I can't wait to put it on merch! Oh yeah, I would like to correct something written about me online : I don't have "a few sizeable tattoos", I have ONE sizeable tattoo.
18 January 2022
I think I lost some of my clients to other people. It's normal, I'm not married to them, but it sucks for me because I moved to be closer to my clientele and now more than half of them are gone. I can't afford to pay the lawyer to sue the fuckin doctor who scarred me for life and time is against me.
22 January 2022
I am happy to have a dayjob and have a reason to wake up in the morning. After being super slow for two weeks, business is getting better, finally. Will Smith was right in his book: ¨sales drop, lay another brick.¨
26 January 2022
University is totally kicking my ass, on top of being expensive as fuck (1300$ for one class). I'm trying to be positive but there is a limit between being optimistic and being plain stupid. I wanted to pay somebody to redesign my website, but it's over 1000$. That's absolutely out of the question. I wanna go on vacation, this winter sucks balls. Honestly at this point I think of leaving my pets at the humane society, buying a one-way ticket for Cuba and moving in a tent by the beach. I haven't been happy in a long time. I feel like I'm wasting my life away. Anyway I'm probably gonna die of lung or cervix cancer soon enough so why the fuck bother with saving money for my old days? Why the fuck try to fix my childhood trauma and find a man when we live in a world where you have to put a fuckin mask on to go to the grocery store? All this western crap is bullshit. Why the fuck would I kill myself to be a part of a society I don't even believe in?
30 January 2022
I said no to a client because he wanted an appointment at 3 am and he wouldn't send a deposit. I need money and shit, I don't know if I should shut up and do it or if I should state clearly what I want and don't want. Oh well... Tomorrow I'm supposed to shoot some content for my OF with a friend (ex client), but I have absolutely no inspiration. He suggested some kind of double penetration... That might be a good idea.
1 February 2022
You'll never believe what I did last night: for my Onlyfans, I melted white chocolate, separated it in 4 bowls, and added food colour, red, yellow, blue and green, and I pourred it on my friend's penis to create a rainbow! It's my take on an urban legend I heard online, that girls paint their lips rainbow to leave rainbow marks on dudes' penises. I did it once with makeup, but with chocolate it was much more conclusive. I don't know why, but every time I try to be edgy and original, I end up sexually using food.
2 February 2022
I revamped my website last night; it's not perfect yet, but it's getting there. I was reading an article in Le Temps this morning, about "fusional harassment" and it made me think of the client last year who was texting me everyday to confide his emotional distress in me. I often think about that guy, I really hope he's fine. The article explained how this type of clinging has nothing to do with domination or diminishing, but can be defined as a pattern of repeated clinging, grabbing and dependent behaviors in which an adult forces another person to take charge, and the repeated requests and the permanent need for help of an emotionally dependent adult constitute a harassment of the "weak" one on the "strong" one, which inadvertently makes him or her a persecutor. My mom was also like that and it was an absolute major fucking pain in my ass. She was dumping her problems on me.
On another topic: can somebody please explain to me why some people feel offended by women asking for gifts online? I mean, people are aloud to ask!
Tonight I missed a client because I took 15 minutes to answer a text, and earlier tonight I answered right away and the guy stopped answering. You never know with clients.
4 February 2022
This is a public service announcement brought to you by Kimmy Baby : please, please please please please, if you have to go to the atm, do it before you book!
Let me explain: if you ask me if I'm available now and your'e not available now, it's not fair to me. If you book one hour but I have to wait after you for 45 minutes that you don't pay for, it's not fair to me. If you don't send a deposit and expect me to get ready and wait indefinetly without any proof that you're serious, it's not fait to me. My job is to fuck people, it's not to wait because maybe people will show up. I'm not just a hooker, I'm also a university student and I also have a job and I also volunteer and when I have to show up somewhere, I show up on time. When I have to pay shit, I pay for it. I don't make people wait, I don't make poeple beg, I respect other people's time, I respect other people's money, and I expect the same. If you don't have 200$ in your pocket, maybe wait till you do before you start texting escorts. It's like, would you go to the grocery store without your wallet? This is Ontario, we are open for business, we are not open to spending hours of our lives waiting till you get your shit together.
Yesterday, somebody booked, mentioning they are mature and experienced, that they know all about the time wasters that we have to deal with, that his bestfriend is an escort, but after 30 minutes he was not there, he said he was already downtown and he had to go to the atm, but it doesn't take 30 minutes to drive from downtown to downtown. Oh, and he said he didn't have a lot of time before he had to go home. It would have been much simpler if he booked a specific time and showed up at that time, but he didn't. What would you do if you were me? Anyway so I spent 10$ of advertisement for nothing, I stayed up until midnight for nothing and I waited after an idiot for nothing. What a shitty fuckin day. I woke up this morning with a massive headache.
I had a new client tonight! I came while doing reverse cowgirl anal (my speciality) and he was absolutely charming. This put me in a good mood and now I'm listening to southern hip hop and smoking a blunt before bed.
11 February 2022
Heyyy! I didn't realize it's been that long, time just fled by, because I got a free lance contract of two weeks for an organism that fights gender-based violence, so after my day shift I go home and do my other shift. Anyway, it feels nice to be busy, exhausting, but nice. I gotta find some time to study and film Onlyfans content, I wanna switch it up.
12 February 2022
I heard something that really made me reflect in the movie An Easy Girl with Zahia Dehar. This guy says: "You have to have been poor at some point to really appreciate being rich, and to bear poverty, you need to know that wealth exists. That something else exists." It's so true, I feel like this is what's happening to me right now. Of course I like making money easily, but it makes me feel less vulnerable to know that I can make a living otherwise, that my life is more meaningful than just waiting all day for clients to text. It is a big sacrifice to escort, the sacrifice of a normal romantic life, the social stigma, the sacrifice of having to live a double life, at least for me. I can't put all my eggs in the same basket.
14 February 2022
I had a cient for Valentine's day, but he didn't bring me any flowers! Oh well. The sex was nice, I was riding him, and I was almost there but he beat me to it. I'm glad he liked it, we didn't even get to do anal and he paid for it. What a beautiful day.
21 February 2022
I just finished working on this 2 week free lance contract yesterday. I was working on my computer 10 hours a day, now I have a terrible headdache and pain in my neck. I still had a new client today, he was very nice, he sent a deposit and all. He confided in me that he is in the process of cutting off pornography because it's taking a toll on his sex life. I put on my strappy Victoria's Secret bra, so you know he liked it, but I couldn't find the garter belt I wanted to wear. I wanna make hot new content for my Onlyfans, I texted the guy who signed the release and does content with me, but he hasn't answered in 24 hours. He might be working a lot but he might be fucking elsewhere... Suspish. I also havn't heard from my lawyer after I sent him his retainer, like nothing, I can't even get his secretary no more. Maybe it's God telling me I should use my money to do what I really love, like travelling.
23 February 2022
I was finally able to join my friend who does stuff online with me, turns out he is going throug something difficult, so it's gonna be just me for a while. If you have any ideas, please submit them because my imagination is running low in terms of solo action. My lawyer also finally answered, better late than never. Last night, I disappointed someone and I hate doing that, but for my defense, he sent the deposit way before telling me he wanted his appointment after midnight and that he wanted a two hour appointment. Had he told me that, I would have answered that I don't book new people after midnight. I was about to send him back his money, but then it would display my real name. And I did wait for two and a half hours. Anyway it's a fucking bummer, I'm sorry, If he wants to come some other time I'll deduct the money but I doubt he will come back. But the truth of the matter is: I don't like working late at night, I'm not a party girl honestly.
March 2 2022
Today, I thought I would tell you the funny story of how I ended up going to New Orleans and fucking 3 guys just to make a point, and also how I worked for one day at a strip club on Bourbon street. So at 20 years old, I did the mistake to believe a pathological narcissist that he loved me more than his girlfriend and that he was gonna leave her for me when his finances allowed him to and that we were gonna move together and travel. But after one year I had money saved for the moving and the travelling, but when he told me he was not financially ready to make a move, I just booked myself a plane ticket for New Orleans. Why New Orleans? Because of True Blood. So I end up drinking for one week straight every night on Bourbon street, it gets boring, and also back then pole dancing was my absolute passion, and I was stripping full time at that point, and when you are used to moving so much you can't just stop to drink and do nothing for one week. So one night, I hung out with this older gentleman I met, we hit 2 strip clubs, one more up tight, the Déjà Vu, that wouldn't let me go on stage for "insurance reasons", and a way more casual one, that let me go on stage as long as I took off my top. I asked if I really had to, and the dj told me: "they really like tits". So I went on stage, I was pretty drunk and I twirled around the pole like a caroussel and had lots of fun, and some guy who worked there basically told me that I could come in the next day if I wanted to work. That sounded awesome, so I got ready, bought some striper shoes at the sex shop and headed to the club, but sober, in the day light, I couldn't recognize the club. So I was wandering and peeking at the different strip clubs on Bourbon street trying to recognize it, and some man who worked at Babe's Cabaret told me: "you seem like you're looking for a place to work". It was indeed what I was trying to do. So I went inside, showed my real canadian ID, and they told me I could start right then. It was day time, so there was very few clients and even fewer strippers. I changed in my new and uncomfortable stripper shoes, barely any make up, and a fringed tank top with matching panty. I worked all day and made enough to pay back my shoes and tip the dj and bouncers, but they would send me on stage every five minutes! At one point a patron asked me: "haven't you just been on stage?", and indeed I had just been but yet again the dj was calling my name! I did perform very well, but I'm not paid for this, actually I pay to be there, and they should not abuse it. But yeah, working on Bourbon street was quite similar than working at Cabaret Kingdom in Montreal, it was just more fast pace, more expensive, and the bouncers defend you more in front of the clients. Like they really count the amount of time you spend in the vip room and make sure you get paid accordingly. Also, while I was on stage, a client tipped me, and while doing so, he told me: "you're pretty, but you're way out of your league". I didn't know what "out of your league" meant at that time, so after my performance I asked the bouncer, and he seemed very upset by what the guy told me, and he wanted to talk to him, but I think he was already gone. In Montreal, they didn't give a shit about that, they were just desperate for money. They wanted me to come back the next day quite early, but I knew I would just be sent on stage every five fuckin minutes and I wanted to enjoy my vacation and sleep in. So I didn't go back. It was still a nice experience. Now, about my stupid ass situationship; I called him, and told him I had had a one-night stand the night before. He was pissed, he changed his phone number right away, but sadly he reconnected like a week later and we kept seeing each other for another year, which is a situation I would NEVER go for today. That toxic situation taught me that clichés are not clichés for nothing, that I have to put clear limits between what I accept and what I don't, and that everything that is not clear-cut, I must cut it out. It was a long painful learning process, but now, I think I can recognize people who are full of shit early on and put an end to it right away. About six months ago, I was playing a drinking game with my friends, and I had to text "I love you" to my ex, so I texted that guy, I didn't even wait for his response before I blocked him again, I thought it was funny but I didn't care at all, and in the next two weeks he sent a friend request and called twice. I was reading a Quora thread the other day, saying that when those people try to come back, they are not trying to reconnect, they are trying to have the last word by retraumatizing you. I believe that is 100% what he was doing, but reading it so clearly was really an eye-opener. Now, time for bed, I'm exhausted. xoxoxox
3 March 2022
I had a weird dream last night and I think it means I'm horny. I was hangning out with a bunch of girls, and this cute french blonde was following me and cuddling me, but when I was finally alone with her, she decided she had to go somewhere with her friends and she basically ditched me. I was disappointed, but I was trying to keep it together. I think it means that I'm horny but I don't get to exteriorize it. Make no mistake, I love having sex with clients, but I am always in control of those situations and I already know pretty much how it's gonna be. The unknown is what is so erotizing.
4 March 2022
I got my Twitter account suspended because I put my logo as my profile picture, which is bottomless. Damn. I guess I'll create another account because there is no way I'm paying to get it reactivated. Oh, and I saw that I have a few people reading me from Saudi, hi guys!
5 March 2022
I refused a booking at 7 am this morning. I started writting down the bookings that I miss, probably to motivate me not to miss any. It fuckin sucks because yesterday I posted my ad three times and I got zero bookings. My reason was, I had two seconds to sleep and I have a big day today, because I was supposed to go to Montreal, but it turns out there is a freezing rain warning, so I decided not to go. So I missed an appointment for nothing, I got up for nothing, and I did my make up for nothing. I always have a good reason to refuse a booking, but no matter the reason, the result is the same: less money.
In an effort to better my website and invest in my career, I hired a professionnal writer to rewrite my bio. It was 166$, it's been a couple days and I had zero feedback or draft from her. Hope I didn't get fucked over. I also finally got an answer from my lawyer, he is checking out from the case, because he doesn't have the time. He wants to transfer my deposit in full to another lawyer of his choice, but I answered that I already have someone in mind and I would rather have my deposit back so I can send him myself. Let's wait and see how that goes...
I ended up having 3 clients today. At least I didn't stay home for nothing!
8 March 2022
My lawsuit is going from bad to worse. I don't even know how to begin. But I'm putting it on paper to kind of make sense of it. So I wanna sue this doctor for causing irreversible dammage to my skin and lying about the risks and the outcome. So I found this lawyer who agrees to take my case, I just need to sign a paper, proof of ID and pay a 3000$ retainer. So I do that, but then he gets hard to reach. I send him documents, I get no attestation of reception. Finally after one month, he tells me he doesn't have the time to work on my case, and he refers me a female lawyer and he says he's gonna transfer my full deposit to her. I answer that I already have someone who accepted to take my case and that I would like the money back. No answer. Then, the female lawyer asks for an appointment, but I tell her that basically I refuse to talk to someone as long as I don't have my money. She says he said that he will transfer it to her. I tell her that my lawyer is not his choice to make. She tells me she will let me solve this issue with him. I send an email to the Bar of Quebec telling them that my lawyer is being evasive. Someone from the Bar of Quebec calls me at 9:30 am this morning to tell me that they talked to him already, and that he said he agreed to give me back my money but that I didn't give him any instruction and that he can't send me a check because doesn't have my address. I know all of this is false, because he never told me he would give me back my money and because I sent him a proof of ID with my full name and address on it at his request over a month ago. I tried to explained that to whoever that was but he had a strong bias against me, and he told me: "I won't get into the details, it's not my fault what happened". So I fucking sent the goddamn lawyer my address, specifying that I would rather have a etransfer because that was my original form of payment and that I would avoid me to have to wait for a cheque in the mail. No answer. I have a real bitter taste in my mouth I feel like they're trying to play me. But I have a university exam tomorrow and I have to mental space for this shit. This is growing from inconvenience, to prejudice.
So I'm trying to study, it's hard as hell, I have no focus, and a headdache that just turned to a stress migraine with nausea. I explained the situation to my teacher and she sent me positive vibes and she offered to give me an extra two days. I think I'll late her up on that. I talked to my new lawyer, he doesn't worry but he told me that indeed, there are a few red flags and it shouldn't take a week to reimburse a client. So we're gonna wait two weeks and if I don't have the money by then, I'll probably file a complaint to the Bar of Quebec, although from my first encounter with them I don't trust them not one bit.
9 March 2022
I missed a 180$ booking today because I was studying. Usually I feel guilty everytime I miss a client, but not today, I have to say. I really had to study. I did try; I said I was available, and after over an hour he asked me "when can I come". I shouldn't spend hours texting back and forth for a half hour appointment, I'm sorry. I used to write down when a client was hot in my phone, but I stopped doing that because I treat them too nice compared to the other clients and it's not fair to the other, much more profitable clients, and they start using that to get special favors. Way later I remembered that he was hot, but oh well, it will be a nice change for him not to have his ass kissed for once.
10 March 2022
The Organised Escort finished my bio! I still had to tweak it a lot to make it more representative of me, but it is definitively good! It's very important for me not to use the same phrasings as the other girls, because I'm different, and some shit I've heard way too much!
14 March 2022
I'm quite proud of myself today, I was able to abstain from watching Netflix or any kind of TV! I'm focusing on my list of things to do instead. It feels good to be productive!
21 March 2022
A super nice client brought me doughnuts from SuzyQ today! And a new client told me that everybody was talking about me on terb and all the feedback is positive. Which is not what I remember but it was still a very nice thing to say. What a beautiful day! I hope it keeps going like this.
25 March 2022
I'm so fuckin pissed, I was absolutely keen on working today, plus I really need the money, but it turns out I have a 5 hour exam for fuckin university, which makes no sense, since we had the last exam 8 days ago and we didn't get our grades yet. I make like 50% of my weekly income on Friday, it is a huge loss for me, I'm freaking out. That's always the struggle, I'm always torn between school, my free lancing, escorting, onlyfans, my personal life... When I'm attending to an aspect of my life I always feel guilty about not attending the others. These days, onlyfans is the one getting neglected. But sadly, I only make like 150$ a month with that, so of course I have to take that into consideration when I manage my time.
26 March 2022
I finally found the motivation to create content for my onlyfans. I'm starting to feel like myself again. I got a quote for my t-shirts, and it is 375 $ + tax. Oh well. Next, I think I'm gonna buy a new camera.
27 March 2022
I was browsing through this girl's posts on instagram, she rescues kittens in South Carolina and right now she has 20 in her care. I've been following her for like two years, and sometimes I go back to look at the pictures of the kittens who passed. After they're gone, the pictures and videos are the only proof that they ever lived. It makes me think of my rabbit who died when I was 18. When the weather is shitty, which is most days, I think of his body being in the same state as the earth outside, and it makes me uncomfortable to think of my baby having spent so many winters outside. I wish he was incinerated and inside with me. I don't have the last pictures I took of him because when I was 21, my ex broke into my parent's house and stole my laptop. You can replace a laptop, but not pictures of a deceased pet. It's his birthday today. I don't need to wish him a shitty life, his whole life was shit.
29 March 2022
I had another weird dream. I was working in a brothel in L.A. and Charlotte Dobre, actress and youtuber, came at the brothel and filmed a humorous video where I think she was ironically a hooker.
1 April 2022
I had a client come back after like two years, he paid 400$ for an hour and a half and he specified he really wanted to enjoy himself. I took it upon myself to really make sure he had a good time, and we did. We both came, there was kissing, anal... A good day at work. I also saw on snapchat that a guy I fucked has a girlfriend. I had a feeling, but I can't feel any way about it because I know he's not a guy for me. Plus, he told me he had a bunch of unprotected sex. My man would not be so reckless. Plus, it's hard for me to be sad because I booked a trip to Jamaica! Finally! Actually it's funny, I'm going to the same country with the same person I was suppposed to go on a trip with at the very beginning of the pandemic. It was very impulsive, I was walking on Isabella street in the sunshine, and I just had this flash that said: text James and ask him "when are we going to Jamaica?" we checked flights and airbnbs, and we booked our trip! I'm so excited, I listened to the unda wata medley to celebrate.
4 April 2022
I got fillers in my laugh lines and scar subcision today and I absolutely regret it. I look stiff when I smile, and I'm afraid pulling the epidermis away from the dermis by subcision compromises the blood flow to the healing scar, because my scars have improved in the last 3 months so they are still healing. Cost: 1400 $. Jesus fuckin christ, why the fuck did I do that? I think I'm gonna stop doing any aesthetic intervention and invest the money or buy trips with it. It might bring me a lot more joy than fillers.
I just did some research and at drhconsult.co.uk it says: "Subcision will inevitably cause some damage to the perforator vessels that supply the skin with blood." There you go. I compromised my skin's ability to heal for fuck's sake.
5 April 2021
I had my third vaccine today, and it made me super gassy, it's a miracle I didn't fart in front of a client.
11 April 2022
Here is an example of the heartbreaking choices I have to make every day: a client put it in my ass, and after he put it in my pussy. Ideally, you would wanna change the condom for hygiene. But I didn't wanna interrupt the moment, and I didn't wanna be uptight. There are already a few comments online about me being uptight. So I let him, but I hope and pray I don't get a yeast infection. I love praying these days, it brings me strenght, and it's like a moment with yourself where you get to express your wants and needs.
12 April 2022
Last night a client took me to JudasPriest's concert, it was dope, but I slept terribly the night after, so when I got home tonight I went to bed at 6:30 pm because I was exhausted. At 8:30 a client asked me to see me. I said I was too sleepy, but half an hour I was wide awake in my bed, adding numbers and worried. If I had known I would regret and be worried, I would have gotten up and did my make up again. As I was saying, heartbreaking choices. Plus, I got no one to feed my cats when I'm gone, I have like 4 days to find someone. Oh and someone wanted to see me tomorrow at noon, but I can't cause I'm getting tested for STDs because 3 weeks ago a condom broke :( I need money so bad! I try not to worry but the truth is I worry like hell.
19 April 2022
My right nipple is bruised because a client "playfully chew" on it... I never know what to answer when people ask me if I have "restrictions" because, am I supposed to tell them that I don't wanna be hit or bruised? Am I supposed to tell them no fisting, no spitting, no strangling? I mean, I could go all night with all the things I don't like. The other day I watched a Vice interview about how to treat an escort according to an escort. She specified that all fetishes should be discussed and paid for beforehand. I rolled my eyes, because SO often, I got guests who paid for a "normal" service, and in the middle of the session they decided they wanted me to call them daddy or some shit, without offering more money of course. Those people are abusers. They know that I don't advertise in the fetish section, they know they didn't pay for that, but they still try me. To all those people I say: don't ever come back here, you can suck my dick.
23 April 2022
Today is the first day of me not smoking. I just have to stop because now I get pain in my left lung at the end of the day. I think it's my body telling me I need to move on from smoking. It's hard, it's 4 pm now and I would really like to smoke, but I won't, I'm gonna do the stuff I have to do instead (vacuum, do my taxes, find another artist to work on my logo...) I stopped drinking as well, but I don't care about that.
Last night I stayed up late to host a guest, who was very nice, but then I went to sleep pretty late, so when I woke up this morning, I had missed a client. It's hard, I have to guess where to give my attention without any garantees. I'm not that excited about my trip because I don't have enough money for my trip, my rent, my taxes and my credit card all at the same time, I don't know how the fuck it's gonna turn out.
The thing I didn't consider before cessing to smoke, was that when you stop using a substance, you have to deal with the emotions. In my case, it's anger and self doubt. I doubt about how little success I have in my career. I moved in a beautiful condo downtown Montreal because I wanted to level up, but I ended up having to get a day-time job, go to Ottawa visit my clients once a month, and accept night-time bookings to pay for it. I wanted to enjoy everything Montreal has to offer, but I coudn't because I didn't have enough money to pay all my fuckin bills. I was invited to a premiere on a rooftop for free, but I couldn't go because of my fuckin day job. I would like to move to Toronto or BC to start fresh, but then, it might be the same shit all over again. Why do some people succeed and not me? Why is it Saturday night and I don't have any bookings? Why did I miss the only client of the day? I wonder if I got my boobs done would the money start coming in. But once again, better location, better pictures, better camera, better physique, better advertisement; there is a cost to all of that. There is something I'm not doing right, but what? I know a guy, he's the least motivated person I met in my life, he doesn't believe in anything, he doesn't advocate for anything ever, but he started selling gym equipments online and now he's shopping for a house and he has three employees. Obviously there's something I'm not getting. Am I too generous? Am I not generous enough? Should I try to be part of an escort collective?
Now, the anger. There's a guy, he left without saying goodbye, he didn't speak to me for months, and he sent me a copy-paste message asking for money to print his book. At first, when I was still smoking, I said "sure I'll help you, I'm super excited for you". But today, I gave him a piece of my mind, I told him "you quit the material life so you could be free and roam the world, so don't you think it's weird that you ask the people who didn't make that choice and who are suffocating in bills to finance your dream?". I don't know if our friendship will survive that, but I was sincere. Pay for your own shit man. I sent him a contribution anyway because I think it's a nice project and I'm not a bitch, but I would really fuckin appreciate it if people stopped asking me for money.
24 April 2022
I was reading an article from Vice where escorts describe their favorite clients, and this girl said her favorite client pays her full fee when he cancels short notice. It blew my mind. Never in my life has anyone did that. I think once a guy showed up and left right away after giving me 20$ for wasting my time. Maybe that's why I'm broke.
25 April 2022
I almost smoked weed yesterday, but I didn't! I'm very proud of myself. I had an extensive and detailed dream. I was visiting this guy in Australia, and he was being so nice to me, picking me up from the airport and taking me all over the place. We passed by a girl who was working out, and we got turned on, so we entered the gym and we started having sex on the couch right next to her. There was whipped cream all over me, the couch and the floor. I could tell the guy I dreamed about him, but he has a lot of ego and he doesn't need more validation.
29 April 2022
I took a guy's virginity today! Not his anal virginity, his actual virginity. I'm always very flattered when they choose me for their first time. Personally, when I lost mine, we were both virgins, and I thought everybody did that, but now I would recommend one of the two people having some experience.
2 May 2022
I had such a fun guest today, I was genuinely turned on by him, we had a great chemistry, and it made me realize that the beard traps pheromones, and I instinctively started licking his beard and telling him to rub it all over me. I know right!
3 May 2022
I just had a quite bossy client, he directed the whole thing, down to how I position myself, how I talk to him, how I look at him... After the time was over, he decided he wanted to rinse off and have a chit chat. Dude, if you wanna take your time, don't book a half hour. He asked me how old I was the first time I took it in the ass. I lied and said 18, because I didn't want him to feel some perverted joy out of me being younger. Of course, he didn't tip me. For sure he was not the worst guest I ever had, but I hope he never comes back. If all guests were like that, I would not have lasted a week in this business. It's not my style to complain about clients, but I think you guys deserve to know what I consider an umpleasant encounter.
6 May 2022
I had a dream where I was about to go hunt pigeons with my grandmother, but when I asked her where we were gonna find them, she said: "in the walls".
12 May 2022
I'm having renovations done in my bathroom, and because of that I missed like 5 appointments yesterday. On top of that, they used a strong adhesive spray that gives me headaches. I was absolutely unable to sleep last night. It fuckin sucks, I really needed the money and my health before I went to Jamaica. I don't wanna leave my cats in this environment, but moving them is too much stress for them... I try not to complain but it's hard.
22 May 2022
This morning I left church because a homeless man wouldn't stop weeping and shouting. I couldn't pray in peace. I'm afraid the minister will have a word with me about it next week, but a lot can happen in a week. I'm thinking about possible answers. I really tried to stay, I thought it was a test from God and that I shouldn't judge but his constant shouting was really distracting me from the sermon and my last thought before I left was: "I didn't get out of bed to hear him shout". Am I a bad person?
1 June 2022
I can't stop eating these days and it makes me feel insecure about my weight. Also I stopped eating meat and I feel a drop in my energy. Today I had vegan samosas and pakoras from Farm Boy, it was really good, and some tofu bao buns from Gongfu Bao. Damn it was so good, but not ideal to stay fit. Last Sunday at church, the minister told me he noticed my departure last time, but he wasn't blaming me, he almost apologized for that poor man's behavior. I told him he really didn't have to apologize and that I was impressed by how he kept going. He told me they tried to help him after. Anyway, time to work out.
4 June 2022
I played hockey the other day, and after the game, my ex boyfriend from 9 years ago showed up, and we ended up having a long conversation about our break up and his alcoholism. We also played a game where we take a shot, and then we had to give a detailed critique about the other one as a sex partner. It was quite funny. I'm glad we had that conversation. It's just lame that I missed my ride to hang out with him and that I had to take a 25$ uber home. I should never go at a guy's place if he's not my man, but I had terrible insomnia the night before and I was afraid it would be the same. Plus, it's not every day that you get to have a deep ass conversation with your ex, and on top of that, it showed him what a dope person I became. If you're wondering, we absolutely didn't have sex, not even a kiss. I've never been one to fuck my exes, when it's over, there's a reason.
11 June 2022
I was feeling like such shit yesterday, this no meat thing is really taking a toll on my energy, I was hungry for 24 hours straight, I was hungry while I was eating and after I ate, I never felt anything like that. But thinking of the animals keeps me going, I'm just trying to adapt and be efficient still. Plus, the freezer section at the grocery store is filled with delicious options, like mango pineapple gelato... Tomorrow we have a picnic after church, I'm super excited about that.
13 June 2022
A guy I barely know asked me to go for a drink yesterday, but I told him that the only place I'm interested in going is the Caribbean and that I don't wanna hang out or go out or anything like that if it's not in the Caribbean. Fuck that. At my age, I have no time to waste, I put my cards on the table and that's it.
14 June 2022
I was watching a video on Youtube where a guy was saying that you have to manage your money according to the bigger plan. If you say yes everytime somebody asks you to spend money, when you find the love of your life, you won't be able to afford the life that you want because you said yes to all those pointless expenses all your life, so I recorded a clip and I sent it to the guy who asked me out on Sunday. I didn't want him to think I was just some bratty white girl, and he said he agrees 100%. There you go, when your point is reasonable, people understand.
15 June 2022
I woke up super early this morning and I couldn't fall back asleep because I was having anxiety about the time that passes, the likely possibility of cancer, money, mistakes... I'm scared of not using my time properly.
16 June 2022
You probably remember the client that I called an energy vampire or cligny or something like that. Our conversations kept coming back in my thoughts, and last night I had a breakthough. He was a vulnerable person, and I took advantage of him. I could tell from the start that he wanted something else than just sex and companionship, he wanted friendship, or a shoulder to cry on, and knowing that I could not really provide that, I pretended to, just so that I could take his money. It's true that he was taking more of my time than he paid for, but I was wrong to let it continue for six months for financial gain. I should have just ghosted him, or advice him to put that money in therapy or something. Maybe I made his situation worse. He was not the asshole in this situation, I was. Humans, we keep replaying past events in our head until we have fully extracted the meaning of it. I see it now, some of our clients, they wanna get laid, and they get laid with us and they're content. Others, they are hurt, socially akward, clinically depressed people who do not have the privilege to be good looking, or well travelled, or healthy and they come to us for a little comfort and excitment in their life and I'm not sure if we help them or harm them.
24 June 2022
I went to Montreal for the launch of a sex worker positive magazine, Constellation, it was at the Wiggle Room, a burlesque cabaret, and there were live performances and I felt included, understood and intellectually stimulated. One of the performers was Poison Ivory, who is in the Las Vegas top 50 burlesque performers. I met the owner of Club Compassion, a weed dispensary in business since the early 2000s, and I told him he was a precursor and a legend. I went there by myself, but I talked to everybody who got close to my stool and I ended up metting a bunch of cool ass people. Since I don't hook up anymore, I can actually enjoy the human connexion, no matter if I'm attracted to them, I can talk to girls, to couples, without any after tought or agenda. It's beyond freeing.
25 June 2022
I keep craving unhealthy foods and I think it's because I don't have enough sex. Every time I go though a dry spell, it happens. It sucks, but I really don't feel like having casual sex anymore.
26 June 2022
Today in the press, there was an article (Société | Le réveil des « mâles alpha » | La Presse) about the manosphere, those guys who are against feminism. I thought the article was quite shallow, it gave very few concrete examples of the points they make against women, and I wish it quoted people who debunk those points one by one, like the youtubers ethan is online, nickisnotgreen, Kurtis Conner, Shan BOODY, AnnaMarie Forcino or Noah Samsen. I also wish they explored the question "why do people become hateful against women". I will advance my personal hypothesis. I think it's the same reason for any type of hate, I think people are primates, they need to feel part of a group, they need physical touch, they need social time and safety, and when those needs are not answered or not properly answered, it deregulates their psyche and they become hateful. I honestly believe that if every kid on earth had those needs met, there would be much less serial killers, mass murderers, wife beaters, child molesters... I wish the article spoke about that.
Here's a video that I really liked for the most part: https://youtu.be/3Eg2b79w4Q0
1 July 2022
I dreamed one of my regulars was Jordan Peterson!
3 July 2022
Today I woke up feeling so fat, I have zero self confidence, it's really one of those days.
7 July 2022
I went to Kingston Ontario, it was cute, the people there are a lot less uptight than in Ottawa, but it was expensive, as travelling in Canada goes. I advertised but I didn't make a buck over there. It feels nice not to work for a day, but I feel guilty about spending money when I know I have so much shit to pay for. I'm thinking of cancelling my trip to the Bahamas because of the weather and for financial reasons. I've been dealing with a lot of bullshit appointments, I try not to let it make me bitter and angry, but it's not in my nature to be a kiss ass. The people who say that I'm rude on the phone, they don't deal with the same amount of bullshit I deal with.
15 July 2022
I went to Montreal last night, it was a lot of fun, I wore this really cute black bodysuit with jeans and a swarovski crystal waist chain; I goot a lot of attention, but I missed two clients at least, and I feel so torn between making money and my personal life. Plus, now I have a massive pimple on my face, it makes me feel super self-conscious and I just wanna stay home and be miserable.
17 July 2022
I just realized something: special forces kill people they would never kill if they weren't paid to do so, and prostitutes fuck people they would never fuck if they weren't paid to do so. It's not so much that I'm not attracted to them, but I would have never met them, or I would have different expectations.
19 July 2022
Its hard not to lose my shit, every time I leave the house I miss money, and when I stay at home I don't make shit. People don't wanna send deposits, they book last minute and they give very small windows to work with. No wonder I used to smoke weed, it cheered me up. I try to reverse my thinking, and instead of projecting that the people contacting me are potential serial killers and time wasters, I try to imagine that they are really nice and that I'm gonna have a great time.
21 July 2022
The positivity thing is really working. When someone texts me, I imagine that it's gonna be a positive encounter and that I'm gonna gain a new regular, and it's a lot easier for my psyche.
1 August 2022
I had a dream where I was entertaining guests, and some of them had trouble ejaculating, and then a thought came to me: if I had a better face and better boobs, it would be easier for clients to come. For sure I wanna get a chin reduction, but I'm not so sure about the boobs.
15 August 2022
I took a man's anal virginity yesterday, my favorite! I haven't done that in a little while. He was visiting from abroad, I hope he will keep fond memories of Canada. As for today, somebody wanted to pay 300 for an hour with greek, daty and bbbj. I told him if he wanted that he should be ready to pay for it. I wanna get one t-shirt printed so I can see and feel the quality for myself before I order more.
17 August 2022
This summer in coming to an end and it makes me anxious. Every time the summer ends, I feel nostalgia, but this year is different, I have this suffocating feeling that I'm running out of time. There are so many things I wanna do. I wanna learn how to drive, move to the caribbean, finish my degree, take classes about a bunch of things like video editing, coffee making, wine tasting, poker, start a sex toy company...
In the meantime, the merch store accepted to print me one single t-shirt so I can get a feel of the product before I order a bunch. I was volunteering today, but I'll go to the store probably tomorrow to make the purchase. I also wanna make a video on Onlyfans to explain why I don't post anymore (the regulation changes, I feel oppressed in my creativity, no anonymity, I was too graphic and I didn't charge enough, I should have learned to milk it better).
I was rude on Tinder to a cute guy who asked me for a drink, just because I was already pissed when he messaged me. It was super immature of me. I apologized today, but the harm is done. In every experience there is a lesson, and the lesson I learned today is that I shouldn't go on Tinder when I am pissed or upset, it's meant to be good vibes only.
22 August 2022
Something not so great happened to me today. I asked a guest if he wanted to do anal, he said no, and in the middle of the session, he said he remembered fucking me in the ass a few years ago and he put a bunch of saliva on my asshole. Some of you know, I really hate saliva. Some dudes try to get services without paying for it. It hadn't happened to me in a long time, but it always sucks when it does. Although I think I managed it well.
24 August 2022
I finally got my first t-shirt printed! My neighbors told me it's the most graphic t-shirt they ever saw. I'm gonna print a few different ones on different fabrics and when I find something I really like, I'll get more and put them on shopify. I'm also getting some stickers.